I used to love rollercoasters....

But I guess that was before I was old enough to know that there are two kinds of rollercoasters - the real kind that make your stomach drop and make you scream your head off; and then there is the "emotional" rollercoaster. Good grief, this ride is just about long enough for me at this point!

It's been a tough couple of days; the boys are hanging in there but Cole has had a tough few days and that makes for a tough few days for Mommy & Daddy too. His reflux was acting up early in the week so they took him off of the medicine that actually helps his Apnea and Brady incidents (they call these A's & B's for short). So, they thought that the medication used for the A's and B's was making his reflux worse, so they stopped it. Well, not only did it not improve his reflux, it threw him into a tailspin and his A's & B's were increasing in frequency as well. They tell me that this is very normal behavior for preemies but seeing him hold his breath and hearing that monitor ding incessantly is a tad bit nerve wracking. Several times while I was there this week, he had spells that were somewhat severe; so much that the nurses had to come in and pull him out of it. Something about seeing a little 1 lb, 13 oz baby struggling to breath is not easy. They also tell me that he will grow out of it very soon - I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

They also did a chest xray this week and found some fluid around his lungs (very small amount) so they started him on lasix; this dose just goes into his feeding tube and so far, he's started to drop that excess fluid. He was up to 2 lb but lost 30 grams last night so he's back down to 1 lb. 15 oz. This is a good weight loss though - he's not losing muscle or body mass, just fluid. The fluid removal makes it easier for him to breathe so it's a good thing.

So then today, they did some routine blood work on both boys and it came back with some funky results. They are suspecting some sort of infection that both of them are carrying so they started new IV's on each (not a fun thing to watch them do, by the way) and started them on preventative antibiotics, just to be safe. The best thing about the NICU care, in my opinion, is their desire to be so proactive; much better than reactive! Babies can change so quickly so they don't do much waiting around for things to settle down. If they suspect something odd, they start treating it immediately, and get the results later. The culture on the blood should be back in 48-72 hours so we'll see what comes back. Either way, they are already being treated so at least they have a head start if something comes back showing some internal infection. It's always something isn't it?

I've started working in the nursery again - washing clothes, putting things away etc. The cribs were set up this week (and would you believe there was NOT a single swear word uttered by C. as he put them together) so it's looking like a real baby's room now! I must admit, it's been a very emotional experience for me doing this part. I somehow knew it would be. For many reasons. I've waited so long to be able to set up a nursery - the room has just been waiting for babies. But, as thankful as I am that they are safe and doing fairly well at the hospital, the fact remains that they are NOT here with us. It's a strange feeling. It's also been hard to sort through some of the stuff we had already bought because there are some things that we have three of. I knew this part would be hard with regard to Baby Cal - but it's part of the grieving process I suppose. The more cries I have, the more healing that I do along the way. It's going to take some time to finish up but little by little, I'm chipping away at it, through the tears. They are not necessarily sad tears, just wishful tears. Wishful that Cal was still with us - and wishful that JD and Cole were ready to come home.

We're going on 3 weeks now since the boys were born - sometimes it seems like an eternity and sometimes it seems like it's flown by. The routine is getting better - and I'm learning that the rollercoaster is inevitable. As hard as I've tried to stay centered and not get too up or too down, it's impossible not to get rattled when they take a few steps backwards. It's all part of the NICU experience, or so I'm told.

I tried to take some updated pictures of the kids yesterday - but Cole was having such a tough day that I didn't think it was fair to take any of him. He was very out of sorts and wrestless. I have included one of JD though. In the next day or two, I'll post an updated one of Cole. He should be feeling more like himself in the next couple of days.





Thank you for your continued prayers; the next hurdle is getting the culture results back from today's tests - we need them all to come back negative so these boys can get back on track and continue what they do best - and that is, to be feeders & growers! Love to all.