Another "First" Day

Your journey in life has had so many "firsts".  I've tried to celebrate as many of them as I can so we can remember and appreciate them all. For boys, this is a biggie!

Today is your first day of Lacrosse practice - ever. I just waved goodbye to you as you drove away with Daddy for your SCOOPERS practice. And I have tears streaming.   I'm all over the place with emotion. I'm so unbelievably excited for you guys to play sports. I'm worried for you to play sports.  As a Mom, I don't want anything to happen to you.  I'm emotional over this day sports because there was a day 5 1/2 years ago when you were born at 2 pounds that I didn't know if you would ever be able to play sports.  I am crying happy tears because I'm so proud of you both and cannot wait to watch you play. 

Cole, you are so nervous and I'm nervous for you.  We had a pep talk about just doing your best today. You're scared that you will be the only one who doesn't know how to play. You're scared that you won't know anyone. Your shyness is getting the best of you.  As I sit here typing and crying, I am praying that you dig deep and believe in yourself.  You want me to be there with you at practice today; but I didn't go.  I almost feel like I've abandoned you but I stayed back on purpose so that you hopefully realize that you CAN do it.  It's so hard not being there by your side but sometimes I think I do more harm than good for you in these situations.  I hope I did the right thing.

JD, you are bursting with excitement. To see you like this brings such a big smile to my face! You can't wait to get in there and learn, meet new friends and play. I'm so proud of you.

Although he won't admit it outwardly, Daddy is so excited to be able to take you to practice.  I can just tell. He's waited for this day and I know he must be so proud. I don't want to encroach on his time. This is such a special time for Daddy's and thier boys.

One of my favorite things growing up was watching "boys" play sports. I loved it. And now to think that I get to watch my two amazing sons play whatever sport it is that you love - its just awesome.  I'm sure there will be days when I feel like the Mommy Taxi has had enough - but I'm embracing this right now and it's one of the things that I've dreamed of for you.

Whatever sport or activity it ends up being that you love, I want you to be passionate about it. I want you to love it so that it's FUN.  There's nothing better than seeing you having fun. Your smiles are infectious.  I'm leaving shortly to sneak over to practice to watch you.  And I can't wait.

The Sequel (later in the afternoon):
I snuck over to practice and found Cole standing with Chuck watching. He was entralled with practice, but couldn't muster up the courage to practice. Apparently Chuck had a hard time getting him to get out of the car when they arrived so he had cold feet all the way there. Good news is, He is dying to go back next week so I think he's still interested, just cautious. We'll see how next week goes.

JD did great and had a ball. It was a 2 hour practice and after an hour, he was freezing cold and his legs were very tired. He asked to stop, which we agreed with. It was a lot of running, and it was about 34 degrees when they started practice. He too is psyched for next weekend's practice so we're really happy for him!

As for Mommy, I'm doing fine too. Emotional but fun day today - I feel so lucky.

The longest walk....

Cole, this week was a big week for you. At your school, this was the first week that they made you guys walk into school alone, carrying your own stuff, without your mamma.  They are getting you ready for kindergarten.   I had a feeling this would be hard for you and although I started to prepare you a couple weeks ahead of time.  You still didn't like the idea one bit.

The week before, every day when we pulled up to school, you fretted about whether it was "the day" or not.  On Sunday night, the day before you were to take your first walk alone, we chatted. I did my best to prepare you and give you that extra bit of confidence you needed.  We talked about how sometimes there are hard things in life - and you just have to do them.  And believe in yourself.  You seemed to be good to go. Even that morning during breakfast, you were seemingly anxiety free about it.  And then we pulled up to school.  And you clammed up and broke free of your seatbelt, scurrying to the back of the car.  You didn't want to go.

JD and I got you out of the car and I put your backpack on you.  We walked up to the door together and suddenly, you clung to my legs.  Big, big, giant tears started down your cheeks.  You were trying so hard not to cry - but you just couldn't help it.  Something was holding you back. You couldn't go alone.  Some of your friends arrived and they waited for you, with JD, so you could walk with them. But you wouldn't let go of me.  So JD and the kids went ahead.  My heart broke for you. But I just knew you could do it - and once you did it one time, you would be good to go.  You took 5 steps away and 2 back.  5 more away, and 2 back.  Eventually you were half way down the hall as I stood and tried to shuffle you along, by yourself.  I talked to you all the way down the hall.  As hard as it was for you - it was equally hard for me watching you go because it was so hard for you.  I kept telling you that you could do it. And you did.

The next day, it was easier.  I think you even smiled when you walked in the door.  And the next day, you did even better.  As I figured, by the end of the week, you're walking in like you've done it a thousand times.  You still walk backwards waving the whole time - which makes me smile.  Your confidence is growing.  Little by little.  I knew you could do it!