Confessions and Thanks

It's high time that I get out of this funk and start rallying again. This day has dragged on for what seems like forever, as I was in a quandary all day long. The last few days have taken a toll on me and as I cried periodically throughout the day, I was suddenly yanked back into reality and quickly remembered how much we have to be thankful for. C has been in a funk the last few days too (he adamantly denies it), so it must be in the air here. Afterall, this is the 4 week birthday of my precious little angels! What more could I ask for?

As I sit and reflect on what has got my goat, I come up with nothing that really warrants being so irritable. In recounting the day, I remember my morning drive to the hospital today when the sun was coming up in the cool brisk fall air. I was smiling as I drove out because I was excited to see the boys on their 4 week birthday. I was also trying to appreciate my independence and freedom that has returned since being sent home from the hospital almost 4 weeks ago. What I would have given back in July to wake up in the morning and drive my car out on a nice sunny morning.

I got to the hospital and something snapped - maybe it's the monotony? Maybe it's the fact that my patience are running thin and I want my babies to come home? Maybe it's the realization that I've made over 90 trips to the hospital since the day I was released? Maybe it's the fact that we have several weeks to go before they get to come home with us? And maybe, just maybe, it's those hormones wreaking havoc on my well being? Who knows. But I'm back on track now. Enough of that PO'd attitude. That won't get me anywhere, will it?

Shame on me. We are so lucky. I was reminded by a dear friend of where we were a year ago. I had just lost my 3rd pregnancy. I was pretty hopeless. And now look at us - we're parents. Although the babies aren't home yet, we're a family. We spend time together and look forward to family times. We are advocates for our kids and our priorities are different. My heart overflows with love for these boys - all day long. I can't get enough of them.

Our visit tonight was quick - both boys were doing well and resting peacefully. They had a good day today; I'm starting to think that some of the recent changes that have been made are taking effect. The new meds are hopefully making their lives a little bit easier. I had quite a pep talk with Cole today so hopefully he's going to gain some "grams" tonight. Ounces would be better - but we'll take what we can get. He's so feisty - it's amazing. He's just not gaining weight like we would like to see. It kind of makes me laugh because he's so feisty that he's burning all of his calories being so "busy". He turned himself over today - from his back to his belly. I watched him work on it for about 10 minutes and he did it. Who would have thought that a little 2 pounder could flip himself over? He's completely amazing!

So we press on and continue to dig deep for those patience. Thanksgiving is our goal for homecoming for the boys - I cannot imagine a better Thanksgiving gift; to spend Thanksgiving 2006 with our new little family would be the best gift we could ever have...it would be the most memorable Turkey Day ever. Come on boys, "I think you can!".