Home Sweet Home

Yesterday (Friday, 9.1.06) was my homecoming, after almost 7 weeks in the hospital. We were supposed to be discharged today, but my doctor offered up an early "going home" and I couldn't resist. I happily accepted and began packing - then I suddenly realized that this would mean leaving my boys behind, at the hospital. It was bittersweet, that is for sure. We got all packed up and went down for a long visit with the boys at the NICU. It was a good visit - they are both doing very well. But then it came time to leave and I just couldn't get my feet moving away from their cribs. "When you have a baby, you're supposed to take it home with you I thought. This is just too hard." After some reassuring words from their nurse, and lots of tears, we began to mosey back to our old room 215 to get officially discharged.

Over the weeks there at the hospital, we had made the room mine. We had pictures and cards, lots of snacks, my closet with clothes in it, beautiful flowers, which had arrived after the boys came, and many other personal things that made Room 215 as close to home as it could be. When we returned to the room around 6:30 last night, all of that had been packed up and as Chuck went for one last load to the car, I was left there for a few minutes alone. It just wasn't the same without everything there. And this is my chance to thank so many of you for sending us cards, encouragement, well wishes, prayers, flowers, food goodies and the many other things ~ you helped me on my journey and made it easier to bear. Without those things, I would never have felt so at home there. I can never thank you all enough for that. Each day I struggled with guilt knowing that I could not possibly return all of the emails and blog messages that were sent daily. I hope that you know how much they meant to me and how they kept me going each and every day.

As the nurse wheeled me out of the 2nd floor, we passed by the nurses station where there were a few of my nurses; it was so hard to say goodbye, but I know with my frequent trips back to NICU, I'll be able to see them often. I made friends with some of my nurses - that is so rare. You guys are the BEST and if it had not been for you, I would have lost it within days of being there. You guys kept me going all day long! I'll never forget your friendship, compassion and genuine concern for Chuck and I, our babies and our family. You truly are special people.

We finally got loaded up (in the midst of Tropical Storm Ernesto, by the way) and started heading home. The rain felt so good on my face when I walked out. The daylight was so welcoming. The car and my surroundings were changing again and it was a feeling I'll always remember. The day had come when I could leave the hospital. Something about not knowing "when" that day would come, is hard. We got stuck in lots of traffic and for the first time, I didn't care a bit. I was headed home.

By the time we got my prescriptions filled and actually got in the door, I was exhausted; but nonetheless, so relieved and happy to be here. Sleeping in my own bed and using my own shower were the two things I appreciated most. And seeing my kitties was awesome too. Gus has been attached to my hip ALL DAY.

Needless to say, as hard as it was to leave JD & Cole, I'm happy to be here. They are only a few minutes away - and I can visit anytime. So for now, I'm trying to heal and recover as best that I can, so I can be there for them in the coming weeks. A tired, no good Mommy is not good for her kids. There's so much to do here at home to get things ready, but nothing as important as watching those babies grow and helping them along. I'm happy to be home - and I'll do my best not to ever take "home" for granted again. As my Grammy would say, "home again, home again, jiggity jig".