T-Berg (you won't believe it)

Trindillenberg - the art of hanging a pregnant woman upside down in order to keep babies inside before their due date. Yes, I'm serious. Not sure why I suddenly have a sense of humor about this - call it hormones, or maybe just a jumbled brain from being slanted toward the floor for the last 48 hours. But as I'm sitting here typing with my feet raised about 2 feet above my head, must be making me crazy enough to find it somewhat funny. If you guys could see me now, you wouldn't believe it. But ANYTHING for these babies!

I was admitted to labor and delivery on Wednesday morning after my check up at the OB. Thank God Mom was with me since earlier in the week I had been put on house rest. Dr. H checked my cervix and it had shorted a great deal in just 2 days - it was moving fast and furious. He called over to the hospital, got me a wheelchair and they had me in a bed, on my head, within 30 minutes. Mild contractions - nothing that I could really feel. But the cervix was going south, FAST.

They put in a cerclage yesterday (a stitch to close the cervix and hold it closed; not a patient friendly procedure, by the way) and I'm waiting it out to see if the cervix is the problem or it's a pre-term labor issue. Up until about 3pm today (first 24 hours was the critical period for going into full blown labor) we were doing great. Then I got up to shower; did fine but having been off of fluids (they had to pull the IV for my shower), contractions started again; within about 10 minutes, the nurse told me I could no longer get out of bed to potty and she was putting in a catheter. They pumped me with some fluids and everything quieted right down. Here I sit - I mean here I hang. Calm has been restored for now. No idea when or if I'll go home - we're trying to get resigned to taking it one day at a time.

Up until now I didn't have any sort of sense of humor about this or I would have added a camera to the list of things for Chuck to bring back tomorrow. If I still feel like I can laugh about it tomorrow, maybe I will take a picture and post it.

But in all seriousness,we are in a critical situation. It's not fun. It's the scariest things I've ever been through. At the risk of losing my sense of humor for the night, I'm not going to give you the scary parts right now - suffice to say that the 3-11 nurse is a nightmare & 11pm can't come soon enough. Mom has stayed with me each night, God bless her. She's trying to get snuggled in now to the hard, 3 foot couch/slab of wood with cushions that sits next to my bed. What a trooper! I tried to make last night her last night here but after the fiasco this afternoon, she's hanging in for one more night. Aren't Mom's the best?

Thanks to all for your continued prayers - keep em coming! Love to all. Night, night. Hey, by the way, the boys are doing great. They let us peek at them every day, thank goodness.

What a difference a day makes!

I've got a new outlook today and wow, what a difference! My daily routine is set for now - until things change again from a bedrest standpoint. But for now, things are coming together. I'm all set up in my "new office" in the guest room and the sunshine comes in and I can see outdoors. Work is bumping along smoothly so far and I'm able to get things done pretty efficiently for now. We're all good!

Finally got the printer/scanner hooked up today so here are a few of the most recent pics of the boys. Baby A wasn't cooperating well so he's not shown here - but he looks just like Baby B since they are identical so little does he know, we still know what he looks like!

Doc appt here shortly so will be back later with another update.

Boy, this is humbling!

Day #1 house rest, accomplished. Not nearly as easy as one would think. When I got the orders yesterday that I was "done working", it didn't seem to phase me too much. In fact, I was on such a high over seeing my boys and hearing such good updates on them that I'm not sure I really even processed "no more work". It wasn't until this morning that I melted down and it hit me. I'm done working (at the office). It's much earlier than I anticipated ~ and I thought I was prepared. Much to my surprise, I don't think I was really emotionally prepared. When I lost it this morning over dropping some things on the floor, I realized that this was a major change and I obviously needed to let it sink in a bit more.

Mom spent the day with me today and we were able to talk through a lot of this. It seemed so overwhelming earlier today and tonight, I feel like I've got more of a plan. I spent the day today really laying low and working on my laptop. I got a good amount of work done which was great - it's going to be very do'able.

Earlier today I was beating my body up for failing me - again. I thought I would make it much longer than 19 weeks before being restricted. I wasn't quite ready to stop working yet. But I was all wrong. Mom quickly reminded me that my body has done, and continues to do, something that it's really not "made" to do - carrying three babies is not a usual occurrence. So I'm straightened out now - and back to appreciating my body for working as hard as it has and growing three perfect baby boys. What a miracle. And really, there isn't much left for me to do to get organized ~ it's now my job to grow babies and be the incubator. I'm hoping that this quiet time will give me a chance to rest & stock up on sleep. After all, in no more than 16 short weeks, my miracles will arrive, God willing. I can do anything for 16 weeks! Can't I?

C. is working on getting adjusted to doing some housework things, grocery shopping etc. It will take a while to get into a routine but we'll get there. I'm thankful that I'm slightly mobile and able to make meals as I need to and shower and potty when needed. Could be worse; and it just might get that way at some point. Doc appt tomorrow again so I'll update the latest tomorrow afternoon. Let's hope for positive news. Still don't have the scanner hooked up but hopefully by tomorrow I can post a 3D photo of Baby B & C; the handsome little devils!

19 Weeks and counting...

Well, we have GREAT news and GOOD news - First, the GREAT news. The babies are doing awesome! They are growing well and measuring right on target. Baby A is up to 8 oz (1/2 pound), Baby B is 9 oz and Baby C is also 8 oz. We had another anatomy check today which was very thorough - they looked at all of the organs, the heart, brain etc. as well as all of the limbs and other parts. Everyone appears to be developing perfectly right now. The coolest thing was the 3D sonogram that they did which actually shows the babies in the flesh. We were only able to see Baby B & C with the 3D machine but how amazing! We can see what they look like! Baby A & B are both head down, lodged toward my pelvis, very close to the cervix. They were both face down so unfortunately Baby A didn't get to be part of the photo shoot - he was being shy I guess. Baby C is breech, with his head in my ribs. He's on my left side so has more room than the other two. Overall, it was a wonderful report and we couldn't be happier!

Now, for the just GOOD news...as if I wasn't a slug enough, I've been banished to HOUSE REST. No more working at the office. I guess I call it GOOD news, simply because it's not 100% bedrest yet. Gotta be optimistic, right? My cervix has shortened pretty significantly since my last visit there. I can't say I'm surprised actually. I have been trying to keep a very open mind about being put on some sort of restricted rest. So it's not a huge deal. It's a bit earlier than I anticipated but overall, I think I'm prepared both mentally and from a business perspective. We'll see I guess. I got my laptop a couple of weeks ago so that allows me to tap into my desktop at work and get whatever I need from there. It works great.

My restrictions are basically staying horizonal as much as possible - but allowed to get up to shower, potty and eat, "as necessary". I have another appt this Friday to check the cervix again and assuming that it has stabilized, I will continue on house rest indefinitely I guess. If it continues to shorten over the next 4 days, we'll need to deal with that accordingly. Until then, I'll just follow doctors orders and lay low. Whatever it takes, we'll do. At the moment, he said a bit reluctantly that I am allowed to go to my shower this weekend - I'll just have to sit most of the time.

Overall, I'm on an emotional high since the babies are doing so well! I hope that I don't come crashing down tomorrow when I realize what is really going on - reality is, I'm sidelined. I feel very organized here at home, and at work so I hope that will help. In an effort to avoid full bedrest as long as possible, I need to be serious about this. I hope my body will pull through for me - it makes it a little more real now that we're faced with the reality of early delivery. I pray we can do it. We've gotta keep these guys in long enough that they are born healthy.

I need to get a routine going here at home for the next several weeks - where to set up my "office" and where the best place to reside during the day is. One thing at a time I guess.

This blog will probably be my sanity ~ writing will be a good outlet in the long days going forward.

Random updates

Well, not much specifically to post about but thought I would just do a quick update. It's a rainy Sunday so enjoying relaxing and listening to the rain.

I got to meet one of my online friends yesterday in person. It was awesome! She's such a great woman - we've known each other for almost 2 years now as on line friends and to meet her and get to talk face to face was the best. We chatted for a few hours and could have talked all day I think. Cilla, if you read this, it was wonderful seeing you and I sure hope that this next cycle is it for you. I know it's been so hard for you and it breaks my heart to see you still struggling. Keep that faith and hope alive - your time is coming, I promise! I never thought I would get here either...it's going to work! Here's a woman who has endured several losses and comes to meet me (with a big ole' pregnant belly) and brings me a basket full of baby gear. I was overwhelmed with thanks and especially love the book that you picked out for us. I can't wait to read it with the boys.

Speaking of books, my dear Aunt sent me a book too this week. I started reading it yesterday and it's awesome! It's a book for Mom's about what children need - and the bottom line is "Love". It's an especially meaningful book #1 because my Aunt Kathy thought to get it for us from a dear friend of hers, and #2 because it is written by a woman named Carol, who is currently struggling with Cancer. She wrote the book before she got sick, however she wrote me the most beautiful message in the front of the book! This, despite her own struggles with her terminal illness. People never cease to amaze me - the amount of love, compassion and caring that people are able to give to other human beings, despite their own struggles is amazing. I can't wait to get back to the book - it's the perfect rainy day for it today too. My heartfelt thanks to Kathy & to Carol for arming me with such a wonderful parenting strategy!

Well, the twins are sitting on one of my organs I think - I can't tell if it's my liver, kidney or bowels but it's definitely something! It comes and goes so I think it's definitely related to their moving around and occasionally I get a kick that takes my breath away. Can you imagine what it will be like in 10 more weeks? They are going to be going around and around like a washing machine, jockying for space in there! They are moving a lot now so it's fun to feel them. Chuck hasn't been able to feel them yet though - everytime I try to have him feel them, they quiet down.

My baby shower is coming up next weekend. My anxiety level has gone down a bit but I'm still a bit uneasy. I think it's because there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the possibility of something happening to these little guys. I guess that is normal after what we have been through. I'm not dwelling on that - but it does cross my mind. I know we have to get the shower done earlier than normal so that we have time to get things organized though. If, God forbid, something happens, we'll be OK. Just thinking about the shower gets me a bit teary eyed. I can't wait to see my college girls that are making it into town. And so many other people that have been so supportive of Chuck and I over the last few years will be there too. All of those who have prayed for us and sent us well wishes ~ we'll all be in the same place together. That is overwhelmingly special...

Mom, you're going to have to be my rock. You've been with me every single day of this journey and you are going to have to help pull me through without being an emotional basketcase. I'm hoping that I will surprise myself but we'll see.

The nursery is coming along - just waiting now for the cribs. They should be shipped early this week so hopefully they will make it here before the weekend. I would love to have the nursery finished before the shower. Apparently the cribs aren't too hard to put together (according to the lady I got them from) so hopefully it won't take days to get them assembled.

We have another peri appt tomorrow - we'll get some new measurements of the boys and see how they are doing. As always, looking forward to that. I'll post some more updates tomorrow. For now, going to enjoy this lazy Sunday and kick back.

How NOT to wake up your husband!

So, have you ever thrown water on your husband to wake him up out of a dead sleep? It works! I have been laughing out loud all day today about our middle of the night episode last night; mind you, it was a total accident, I swear! C. doesn't seem to believe me that it was accidental though...and I'm definitely laughing at his expense but...oh well.

As you can imagine, at this stage I'm up out of bed at least 4-5 times per night to use the potty. Inevitable. Especially with all of the water I've been drinking to keep these contractions at bay. That said, I got my fat belly rolled out of bed (which is not an easy task these days) for the 3rd time around 3:30 am and then made my way back to bed. As I was snuggling back in, I reached for my water bottle and was taking a couple of swigs. At the same time, C. rustled around and apparently in an effort to get me to settle down quickly and shut up, he swung his arm over me to pull me closer. Just as he did that, he connected with the water bottle and it flew right into the middle of the bed, with the top OFF. Oh boy, glug, glug, glug, went the water....on his head, face, shirt, pillow, sheets, blankets, me etc.

All I could do was laugh. But he was furious! OK, my days with having him in bed are already numbered due to our new bed mates lately (several pillows) so this might have just been the ticket that he needed to move to a different sleeping location. He's been a trooper and has stuck it out for a while now. I know he sleeps terribly to begin with but has been trying his best to stay with me b/c he knows how sad I'll be once he has to move.

Anyway, he was not finding it the least bit funny this morning, as I continued to laugh about it. He had dark circles under his eyes and was not amused. Where on earth did he lose his sense of humor? Easy for me to say when I have no trouble falling back to sleep....he never went back to sleep after the water mishap. Boy, he'll be a peach tonight I bet. Guess I'll offer to go elsewhere to sleep tonight to try to save him for a while longer....

No need to Panic

Phew, my OB checked everything yesterday and we're all fine. No reason for alarm right now. Apparently these abdominal contractions appear to be harmless - and something that will just be "normal" for me. I think I'm still in the freak out mode though - it's taking some time to get adjusted to everything being ok. It's amazing how quickly your mind can take you too far when you're experiencing the unknown.

So the boys are moving lots today and that is reassuring. The right side of my belly where the twins are is sticking out further than the left side - it's wild looking. I'm totally lopsided! I would venture to guess that they are in their "spots" for the duration now - aside from turning upside down etc., the placental sacs must be pretty firmly attached so they can't really switch position. Something I read today said that they were about 5.5" inches now - each. That is about 15" of baby rolling around in here. In about 6-7 weeks, I should be the size of a woman who is full term. And I'll only be 24-25 weeks then.

It's amazing that 18 weeks has already passed. I thank God every single day when I wake up and feel babies moving. It's a blessing that I just can't believe I have been given. I'll get to see them again in a week - next appt with peri is Monday. They will do some more measurements then too. I hit the 20lb weight gain milestone today - it's actually 21 lbs total as of today. I can't imagine how much more I have to go. My waist is about 36" around...now that is some girth!

I'm feeling pretty good today, especially after a good day of rest yesterday. It's amazing how much energy these three little guys suck out of me on a daily basis. I'm not used to having to slow down - I thrive on errands and getting things done. My how life is changing. I suspect this is just preparing me for the inevitable. Once these guys arrive, it's all about them. Errands? Out the window! Hey, I would give up anything in my life to have these three little angels...there is nothing more important and special to me than they are. God willing, they are going to make it here safely.

To worry or not to worry?

This sure is confusing - I'm working from home today due to some abdominal contractions that started on Saturday night and continued through the day on Sunday. It's the same thing that was happening about a week and a half ago but went away. It's this tightening across my belly that only lasts for about 5-10 seconds; and no pain associated with it. Just that tightening feeling. Most times I can't tell if it's a contraction or babies moving. I'm right on the fence with whether to call the doctor or not, which makes me think I probably should call. It would make me feel better to go in and have it checked. So, OK, I think I answered my own question, I'll call. I'm drinking so much water that I feel like I might float away...but the water tends to help actually. On another note, the nursery painting is finally finished - and we love it! I was able to get some things organized in the nursery this weekend (which could be the partial cause to the start of these stupid contractions) so I'm feeling pretty organized. There is still some furniture that needs to come so hopefully I still have a few weeks to get all of that situated. Guess I better go and call the OB. Back later with an update.

They're kicking!

I just felt my first legitimate kick! WOW...by chance I was resting my hand on my belly and someone gave it a little kick. I've been feeling lots of movement over the last few days but just moving around inside, no real flailing of arms and legs. I guess it's just a matter of time now! What an exciting feeling - I love knowing that they are moving in there; nice peace of mind. It's a milestone day!

Well, the nursery painting is still not finished. Our painter is totally booked with outdoor work so we're on the "rainy day" list. Well, just my luck that we're in a draught. They are working on our master bath as well as the nursery so our house is a total disaster at the moment. There is stuff everywhere since two of our rooms are out of commission. You know me, I hate clutter and things out of order. So, I put some pressure on the painter yesterday since they have been there 2 different times already but haven't finished; I think I guilted him a bit and he called last night and said they would be there Saturday morning at 8am to finish up. YAY! So, we'll keep our fingers crossed that by this time tomorrow, things will be shaping up. Our living room looks like a make shift nursery with all of the bedding strewn about, the changing table is in the middle of the room with the rug and small side table. We're having company for dinner tomorrow night so I'll be scrambling all afternoon to get things shuffled out of sight.

I've been toying with what to do for C. for Fathers Day. He has told me that he didn't want anything this year because it's not "real" yet. And with his superstitious nature, he would rather wait until the boys are born to celebrate this day, as a gift might "jinx" something. I know it's going to be a bittersweet day for him - he misses his own Dad so much. And faced with being a Father himself soon, without his Dad here to see his sons, must be hard. Top it off with the fact that Fathers Day this year lands on his Dad's birthday. He always handles these things in stride but I just can't imagine what will be going through his head that day. I just can't wait to see him as a Dad. He's going to be amazing - of course, he had a wonderful teacher. We just wish so much that Joe could be here to meet the boys; and they could get to know him back.

We'll look forward to next Fathers Day with great anticipation. These boys will surely love their Daddy to pieces.

My Three Sons!

Sounds like the TV show doesn't it? My doctor today mentioned our little guys in reference to that show. Kinda funny - he thought I was too young to remember My Three Sons. Quite the compliment I might say ~ of course I remember that show! He obviously didn't take note of my age on my chart - fine with me!

Anyway, the babies looked great today! Here, see for yourself (If you click on the picture, it will enlarge).

Babies A & B (the twins) are both 6 oz, with h/b's of 143 & 148. These two look nothing alike to me at this point but apparently they are identical.

Baby C is a little bigger, at 7 oz, with a h/b of 145. They are all growing at about the same rate and seem to be pretty happy in there. They were all very active.

My cervix is still measuring long and there didn't seem to be an concerns there. I am going to be seeing both my OB and perinatologist now every 2 weeks. They are most concerned with checking my cervix regularly to be sure that it's not thinning or shortening.

I thought that today they would be doing more measuring - they did measure the heads, bellies, legs, arms and heart; I think I will have another anatomy measurement sono though in another 2 weeks, according to the nurse. Maybe they are just trying to compare measurements to this week to be sure that they are growing appropriately.

Either way, we are all happy campers this evening and after a nice yummy dinner, it's off to the couch, feet up to rest. The doc's last words were: "Drink plenty of water and take it easy; and try to enjoy it while you can." And that is what I intend to do!

So THAT'S what it feels like?!?!?

After feeling a bit alarmed on Friday about this "tightening" issue in my belly - I have been taking it very easy this weekend (per doctors orders). Included in my "stay off your feet" regimen yesterday was laying by the pool; low and behold, as I'm laying there still, in one spot, I notice my belly moving ON IT'S OWN - a small lump moving from one side to the other, and back again.

Well, there they were - and the tightening appears to be the babies dancing around inside. Phew. As the day went on, I could feel the movement a bit more from the inside...and slowly realized that my worry has been for nothing. Leave it to the novice pregnant lady to freak about about something that actually is ending up being the coolest thing thus far in this pregnancy! I can feel them moving now! It's nothing like people described though - it's not the "flutter" or "tickling feeling" that other people described. It's more like a real movement inside. Maybe since there are three of them, and they are moving as a group (or at least the identicals are) that it feels different. It's a hard sensation to describe.

Either way, I'm enjoying feeling them every so often - and it makes me even more excited to see them again tomorrow. At just 17 weeks, I can feel movement - can someone please remind me how overjoyed I am about this moment in about 10 weeks when I'm complaining that there is a foot (or two) lodged in my bladder, liver and rib cage? Alas, it's reassuring to feel them move - they are active little boys; did I expect anything less?

Inevitable...

Well, I had my first emotional meltdown this week...and yes, over nothing. Thank goodness that husband of mine was not around when it started - unfortunately for him he walked in at the tail end of it - as I was trying to gather myself and get a grip. The only good reason I could come up with for my crying attack was "being overwhelmed". I don't think he bought it. But I guess it could be true. Other than that, I have absolutely no idea why I was crying - isn't that what they say happens with pregnancy? It's been a pretty hormonally stable pregnancy thus far but I guess I can throw that right out the window at this point. Oh well - comes with the territory right? Thank goodness for Chuck's good natured humor - he had me laughing in no time and never even mentioned my outburst again. Smart man eh?

I started having some weird tightening feelings in my belly this morning - well, actually I've noticed it a bit over the last couple of days. My belly is rock hard sometimes, and it's really soft other times. At first I was thinking it was just due to the baby's positioning. Then I started to freak myself out that it might be some mild contractions. Called the doc and they don't think it's anything to worry about right now, especially since I have an appt on Monday with my perinatologist. So, for the weekend - doctors orders are to "stay off of your feet and increase your fluid intake". Sounds easy enough! I hope sitting on a lounge chair at the pool counts as staying off my feet; because that is where I plan to spend the weekend.

I'll tell Dr. Hot Pants about this on Monday and see what it is. I'm hoping it's just the babies moving around like crazy in there and sometimes being positioned right up against my belly wall. I still can't feel them moving inside I don't think. I think I've felt a few little flutters but it's not very consistent which makes me wonder if it's movement I'm feeling or not.

Funny, before I called the doc this a.m. I called my friend J. who is about 8 weeks ahead of me with trips (she's 24 weeks); she didn't answer so I just left a message that I was curious if she experienced this early on. She called back about 10 minutes later and ironically, she was laying in the doctors office on a contraction monitor because she had a scary episode earlier today. They were telling her that it's fairly common with triplets due to all of the growth - she had one pretty painful contraction this morning - and had not had any since the morning. Thank goodness that everything seemed to be ok and she was just being monitored for an hour or so to be sure it didn't happen again.

It will be interesting to see what they find on Monday - can't imagine that these are contractions - I'm just going to chalk it up to the baby movement in utero and use the doctors orders as a good excuse to do a whole lot of nothing this weekend! Sounds like a plan to me.

The Licameli house gets "babyfied"...

Well, I finally feel like I'm making some progress toward getting things ready for the babies to arrive. The last several days have seemed very productive. We were able to settle on the nursery theme & paint, which I think I posted before. It should be lots of fun to start putting things together once all of the ordered goods start rolling in. It's amazing my credit card hasn't caught on fire from over use ~ or that the credit card company hasn't called to flag it and say that there are mass charges being incurred. What fun it is to buy for the boys!!!

I scheduled the painter so just waiting for a rainy day so he'll knock it out in one day. The cribs, changing table and the glider were ordered. My registry is complete. Phew, it feels good!

Now I can concentrate on getting back to my journaling and reading. I also want to get some memory books and boxes prepared for each of the boys. If I don't get it going now and make it easy to keep all of their little memoirs together, lord only knows when I'll have time to do it after they arrive. I know boys don't care as much as girls about that kind of stuff but someday maybe they will appreciate it.

I still feel exceptionally good - and am so thankful for that. I've gained a total of 18 pounds as of this morning - and almost an inch in girth around my belly in just a week. They are growing in there, that is for sure! My appetite has changed a bit - not hungry as often and obviously can't eat as much at one sitting. Things are starting to get a little squished in there. I do feel like my belly has dropped a bit today - not sure if it's my imagination or what but until today, I felt like they were starting to go higher into my ribs. Now maybe they have adjusted and are going out instead of up? Who knows.

Either way, I'm thankful for each day ~ and am savoring the days that I feel so good. I know it's going to get tough; I certainly am not taking anything for granted. What a blessing to have three babies inside of me.

The Boys Haven

I spent the day yesterday working on the plans for the nursery - and I think I've finally got it going in the right direction now. Knowing that there are three boys made it much easier to make our final pick. I got some things ordered and hopefully in the next week or so we'll have a good start. Need to call the painter today. Here's the link to the pattern - I just LOVE it!

http://ww2.potterybarnkids.com/index.cfm?cid=romnurbbn&area=rms&age=

I hope that what I picture it looking like is really how it will turn out. Sometimes the mental images we have are a lot better than what it actually ends up looking like. Just a few more things to add to the registry and I should be done with that part too. We're getting there. It's much more real now and feels different knowing that there is testosterone growing inside me. What a feeling. I'm still on a high from finding out. Makes it easier to talk to them now too.

Now the name quest begins...

GO TEAM BLUE!

I had a feeling from the start - THREE BOYS! I love it so much I think I'll just type in BLUE from now on! We learned today that our 3 little miracles are boys - I have always said that I always wanted boys when I grew up and had children...now how did I get so lucky?

We had a great sono today - and as always, great to see Dr. Hot Pants. Seriously though, it was a pretty quick glimpse but we saw all of the little boy parts - and we're ECSTATIC!

Chuck didn't make it to the appointment unfortunately but Mom was there and although I think she was a bit disappointed that there wasn't a little girl in there, she seemed pretty excited.

I called Chuck immediately after we got out of the doctors office and told him he had a golf foursome anytime he wanted - he's pretty stoked! AHHHHHHH, it feels good to know now. And the best was just seeing them again, moving around and being active little boys. Although we didn't do any measurements today, the doctor seemed quite ok with things so I will be too.

Boy, are we in trouble. Three little Chuck's running around is going to be quite the challenge!

Happy Day today!

Anxiety 101

I guess this is just the beginning of my worry and anxiety for the rest of the lives of these children growing inside me. Today seems to be a little more anxiety ridden than others for some reason. I guess I'll chalk it up to a few things:

1. We're going to register tonight - I haven't even walked in the store yet and I'm feeling overwhelmed. WOW, there is so much we need! I guess I'll just take it one isle at a time and load up my list. Glad that Mom & Erica are going with me though - two very instrumental, calm, reassuring people in my life - that is just what I need to keep the nerves in check. Chuck doesn't seem to be too interested in helping with picking out the baby stuff. It's much like our wedding ~ he trusts that I'll get what we need and he has no qualms about not being involved. I find this a blessing in a way actually - makes it easier for me to get what we need without dispute.

2. We find out the sexes tomorrow - FOR SURE. I think the reason this is so paramount is because so many things have been waiting for us to find out what they are. Once we know, everything will start falling into place. The room color will be picked, the cribs will be ordered etc. We're really moving forward.

3. My shower invitations apparently went out yesterday. The thought of my shower still brings tears to my eyes and somersaults to my belly ~ I guess that is normal. But it's been so comfortable going through this with a small group and that day it will be all eyes on us. The attention is something I used to handle very well but through this journey of ours, I've become more comfortable with fading into the background. I'm so thankful for all of the wonderful friends who have been so genuinely excited for us - that in itself is a reason to suck it up and enjoy it - I do wish Chuck would be there with me though, he's been my rock. He'll be there in spirit I guess. The babies will pull me through. It will be a wonderful day and one that I will never forget.

I have found it extra comforting recently to think that there are three little supporters with me now days. I find myself talking to my little miracles and they give me strength to get through the anxiety ridden moments. Not that they can understand any of this but just knowing that three little souls are riding around with me is a comfort in itself. Pretty cool actually. I'm reminded daily of how lucky I am; as it gets closer, I just can't wait to meet them in person. God, please let them arrive safely and healthy.