Pre-K Graduation - check!

Well, you're officially graduated from pre-school at Bay Country. Bittersweet! I knew I would be emotional and unfortunately, I couldn't hold my tears. I cried watching you both relish in your "program" that you put on for all of the parents. It was awesome - and when you sung "You Are My Sunshine", it made me fall to pieces.  For years, we sang that song together.  What sweet memories I have of you as babies smiling as we sung that to you.  And now, you're singing it back to me. My heart was bursting.  I am so proud of the boys you have become. Your smiles are contagious and I will never forget the image of you walking into the room with your little graduation gowns on, being so proud of yourselves too.

You have some big things to come - we're off for a fun summer now! Lets make the most of it before school starts again in the fall.

Words can never describe how much I love you and how proud I am of both of you. You are amazing!

 

Ms. Simmons - Room 4

 

Mrs. Koppa - Room 5

First ever, summer buzz cut!

JD, you told me the other day that you wanted a buzz cut! I was shocked. And I was excited to get you one. Just for the summer. So, yesterday afternoon, you declared that today is the day and we needed to go NOW. Off to the barber we went.

BEFORE

And off your hair went.

It took about 10 minutes and when it was over and you saw yourself in the mirror, you looked upset. But you smiled for a picture anyway.

AFTER

I think you look adorable. You, on the other hand, don't like it much. You said "I didn't mean THAT short!". I'm not sure what you thought a buzz cut was.  You held back your tears until we got home. And when we got out of the car, you cried because you thought you looked bald. And that was not what you wanted.

But hair grows. And as the hours of the evening went on, you were convinced that it was growing by the minute. The final convincing factor that made you like it suddenly, was when we didn't have to comb it after your bath. You laughed hysterically when I towel dried it and you were off and running. The small things right? You look incredibly cute with your new haircut - I can't stop smiling when I look at you! And I love to feel it with my hand and my cheek. That's driving you a bit crazy but I love it.

-Mommy

P.S. - I wonder when Cole will be so brave and give it a try? We'll work on him!

Mothers Day at the beach

This year was my 6th Mothers Day as an official Mom. My first one, back in May 2006 was when all of you were still in my belly - and it was just about 8 weeks after we learned we were having triplets. I will never forget the feeling I had that Mothers Day - it was overwhelming. I was excited, feeling lucky, scared and absolutely honored that God had chosen me to carry you THREE. As the years went on, all of our Mothers Day celebrations in our house have been awesome. I don't know that I will ever be able to explain how special it is - but suffice to say that it certainly is one of my favorite days of the year.

This year was no exception. We decided to go to the beach for Mothers Day weekend - and we pushed celebrating with our (Daddy's & mine) Mothers until after the weekend. I was thankful that the Grandmothers understood and were ok with our decision since we would not be seeing them on that day. We went to the beach on Saturday at Assateague. It was an incredibly beautiful day and I couldn't think of anything I would have rather done. I called in my perfect weekend. Time with my family, at my favorite place. A friend sent me a text message that day, while we were there. She posed the question "if you had 24 hours to yourself, how would you spend your time". My response: "a little bit of me time, a little bit of hubby time and a little bit of kid time". As I reflected, I realized that my day had started just that way - and it finished just that way too. I felt lucky.

When we arrived at the beach, as we were getting out of the car, a butterfly came near me. It fluttered around for a few minutes and then we started unloading and I lost track of it. As we set up our things, it came back around when I sat down in my beach chair. Butterfly's always remind me of Calvin. And he was very present in my mind and heart that day. Mothers Day was the day 5 years ago that we spread his ashes so of course, it's an extra special day for that reason too. As the butterfly fluttered around, I smiled. Knowing it was probably him hanging around with us.

Later, I took a walk with you boys as Daddy fished. We walked a ways down the beach, collecting shells and talking. As we walked, we came upon a lady with a puppy. You were immediately drawn to the puppy of course. We stood for a minute and the lady asked if you were twins. I replied quickly and said "yes, they are". Cole, you immediately corrected me by saying "actually, no, we're triplets. I have a brother in heaven, his name is Calvin". I loved hearing you say that. Tears sprung to my eyes, and my heart swelled. You were proud and matter of fact. I'm proud of you that you thought of your brother - and were not afraid to tell someone!

Oh how I wish he was here with us. And I know, somewhere inside, you feel his presence. When we returned to our place on the beach, the butterfly was still there. It stayed there with Daddy when we left, and waited for our return. As we packed up the car to go, it did one last pass, right by the windshield. It was then that I commented on the butterfly - and said "I've seen that little butterfly ever since we arrived". Daddy gave me a nod. And we drove away. We both knew what that butterfly was. I was grateful for that sign and your proud disclosure to a stranger - the perfect gift for Mothers Day.

This ones for you Calvin

For a few years, I've been contemplating doing the March of Dimes Walk for Preemies. This winter, the AAMC NICU decided to get a team together so I thought it was finally the time to do it with them. I think I knew in my hear that it would be a tough one and subconsciously found reasons NOT to do it over the last few springs.

Now was the time. As the day neared, my anxiety level kept going up. The day before the March for Babies, I cried just thinking about going. I knew it was going to be hard. I didn't ask many people to do it with me - mostly because I felt that I needed to do it alone the first time and make sure I had space to feel whatever I was going to feel that day.  I'm glad I sensed that and glad I did go alone.

I drove into Baltimore bright and early on one of the most gorgeous spring days we had so far. I left at 7am, as the sun rose. It was quiet and peaceful - perfect morning. As I got to the city, I parked without any problem and the "MOD Village" was just opening. I was one of the first there.  There were several tents set up there - a few for memorials to the lost babies. As I came upon the first one and realized what it was, I froze.  I was a bit dumbfounded on what I was supposed to go - with a clouded head and confused thoughts.

I got it together, and through tears, was able to write a little something on a quilt square that will be put into a quilt for next years display.  I wish I felt more creative and fun but I was struggling just to get something written without crying all over it.

Nothing profound. But it's all my heart could think of. As I moved on to the next tent, they had butterflies to decorate. Anyone who knows me, knows I love crafts and doing things like this. But still, I had a hard time getting to that place - I just needed to get his name down and move on.

I went back to my car and sobbed for a few minutes to get it all out. I missed Calvin so much that morning (I always miss him but especially much this day, of course).  I gathered myself together and headed over the parking lot where the rest of my team was meeting.  As I hoped, once I got over there, my mind was occupied with visiting my nurse friends and all of the preemie baby families that came out to walk. It was then that I missed my family being there - but still was content that I had come alone to honor my boy.
Not long after, we started the walk. A four mile trek through downtown Baltimore with sunny skies and a nice breeze.  The stories and families we met along the way were inspirational. Everyone there for a common purpose and we all belonged to that same "Preemie Parent Group". A common bond was shared.  Below is our AAMC "Energize" Group photo - babies and all.

I was so proud to be there that day.  Our team raised over $7,000 for the cause - the most of any hospital participating.  As I drove out of the city that day, I was reminded of how lucky we are to have such a wonderful family and support system that got us through those long, hard, tough years after the kids were born.  We're past those hard days now - and I could not be more grateful for the blessings we have been given.  Not many people are as lucky as we are.

Here's to the March of Dimes - you do wonderful work and I'm proud to be a supporter!