Here's to you Calvin

This is EIGHT!

EIGHT!

It's your birthday eve - and as I sit here wanting to write, I'm having a hard time.  It's been a long busy week of getting back into the school/sports routine. We're all pretty exhausted.  I have cried every day this week.  Until about an hour ago, I chalked it up to watching the other Moms around me with Kindergartners sending their kids off to school for the first time.  Every day at the bus stop this week, a different family said goodbye to one of their kids who was starting school for the first time.  I cried with the Moms who were standing there crying as the bus pulled away for the first time.  I'll never forget that feeling of watching that bus pull away with my most precious beings who were now in someone else's control.

But as for the last 7 years, I am reminded that it's "that" time of year again. While you guys long for your birthday all year long, I have mixed emotions about it because it's also the day that your sweet hero brother went to heaven.  It's funny - this week I have had several occasions where Calvin's name and story have come up. Just a few hours ago at soccer practice, I told another Mom about him.  And it was then that it dawned on me that my tears and edgy sadness all week is coming from your birthday, which is also the anniversary of Cal's death.

These are tough emotions for me. I find myself excited for the two of you - and so thankful that God gave you to us.  But my heart also hurts, missing your brother.  We usually let a balloon go for him to heaven on this day. And wish him a happy birthday.  We'll be sure to do that again tomorrow.  In the meantime, I hope that he's looking down on us - smiling and having his own special party in heaven tomorrow.

It's certainly a day to celebrate two of the most amazing eight year olds there are on this earth. I could not be more proud of the boys you are - and may you always know how much I love you!

2nd Grade!

How on earth did we get to SECOND grade already? I feel like you were just starting kindergarten! You guys were more excited than I was this am - I've been dreading back to school for weeks. You both were up very early this morning (well, earlier than usual) and clothes on, teeth brushed, rooms clean and ready to go. Only we had a whole hour before we needed to leave!

You were rushing ME out the door this am - and could not wait to get back to school.  I think the meet and greet last Thursday made you much more excited to go - you've missed your friends and old teachers.

There was one kindergartner at the bus this am (they have staggered start through the week) and he was a little bit nervous at the bus stop. He is usually very talkative and boisterous - but not today.  I leaned over to you Cole and said "Do you remember how hard it was on your first day of Kindergarten; how scared you were about going and riding the bus?".  You answered with a shake of your head and said "Can I tell Nicky about it?"  So you proceeded to tell Nicky how scared you were on your first day but you eventually got over it and loved the bus the most. You told him how awesome his teacher is and how much fun he will have. Just then, the bus turned the corner and it was time to load up. You turned around, looked back and went back to get Nicky to help him along on the bus.  My heart just about burst wide open.

As I stood with the Mom of the kindergartner, watching the bus drive away, both of us cried. She cried because her baby went off to school - a feeling I remember so clearly and will never forget.  I cried because you have grown into such a compassionate caring boy and I could not be more proud. You are truly amazing.

I love your sweet ways Cole. You have the biggest, sweetest heart. Love you buddy.