Nostalgia is a cool thing....

In writing my earlier entry, it made me so nostalgic. I started going back and reading some of my journal entries that were never blogged - I used to just randomly write (on the computer of course) when I simply felt the need to get things out. The last entry I did was three days after we found out about the triplets. It was fun to go back and read. That euphoric feeling came back. That feeling you get when you first find out you're pregnant. And at that writing, I wasn't scared. Just thankful. Thought I would copy it here - it's a fun read, and a feeling I don't ever want to forget. Here goes...

March 30, 2006
Well, wasn’t sure I would ever be writing this. About 3 days ago, on Monday, 3/27/06, we got some incredible news. Our 2nd fresh IVF worked and we are having a baby – well, not just one but THREE! OK, I’m a little freaked now and then. But so in love with you little guys already that I can’t even see straight. On the day of the u/s, we were nervous. We went into the room and while sitting there waiting for the doctor, I was a wreck. As always, Chuck was quiet, but confident that things were going to be ok. Almost immediately, they found a heartbeat. Amazing. Just a little flicker on the screen. Then there was another one. And within a few seconds they were discussing that there might be a THIRD one! Frankly, I did not even anticipate being able to see a heartbeat since I was only exactly 6 weeks on that day – normally heartbeats can’t be seen quite that early. I was just hoping to see a sac and fetal pole in the uterus – just hoping it was in the right place this time around. Boy, did that exceed ALL expectations! There was Dr. M, the sonogram tech and one of my favorite nurses, Joyce who were there.

Everyone said to be cautious. It’s still early. I was in a whirlwind. I was caught between such excitement that I had a living being (or 3) inside of me, and sheer terror that I might have to carry 3 babies. I don’t know how my body will do it, but where there is a will, there’s a way. There is a set of identical twins and one singleton. One embryo split into two. All three had good heartbeats – one was a little slower than the other two. One was 109, one was 107 and the other was 91.

I’ll never forget the look on Chuck’s face. Utter amazement and disbelief. We’ve gone from one extreme to the next – no baby to 3? How does that happen? Can we do this? Will all three of you little ones make it? Amazingly enough, I don’t feel scared. I feel confident that whatever is meant to be, will be. And we’re so blessed to have this opportunity to bring three little lives into this world with one fell swoop! It’s an unexplainable feeling really….

I’m still extremely guarded – it’s so early. And I guess I don’t really know what to think. Although I wouldn’t call it denial, I’m just not ready to accept all of it yet – not for another week or two, once we see again what is going on in there. And maybe not even then…maybe not for another couple of weeks. I’m hopeful beyond belief, but due to all that we have already been through, I’m still overly cautious. I know how quickly this can all get yanked away.

I have only told a few people – I have told my IF girlfriends who knew I was cycling. That’s it, aside from Mom & Dad and Toby & Erica. I would have preferred not to tell them yet but with all that we went through with this cycle (hyperstim etc.), there was no way to hide it. And they have only been told that there are two…not three. That is our secret for now.

Not sure when we’ll come clean on all of this and tell anyone else. Guess we’ll just continue to take it one week at a time and go from there. For now, I’m in such a special place – the love in my heart is bursting and it’s all I can think about. I only hope that you babies are safe, grow well, help me along while we do this together, keep each other company in there, love us as much as we love you – and most of all, help me know that we’re all going to be ok through this, physically. Emotionally I can handle anything – I’m just scared for all of us physically…I pray that we’re all going to be ok. I trust that we will ~ it just might be a little hairy along the way….

So far so good with symptoms. I have sore bbs, the brown belly line which appeared at about 5.5 weeks, very slight nausea occasionally (nothing that food doesn’t cure), peeing a lot, little belly that’s starting to poke out already…and best of all, that pregnant feeling. Unexplainable.