Another day under our belt

I'm so sorry that I have not posted updates - there are so many reasons. The biggest reason is that until last night, I was on such heavy duty meds that I literally could not see straight. I was not able to type or see what I was typing, much less make my hands work on the keys due to dizzieness, weakness and numbness. So, the latest is...

After Monday's hospital admission, they put me on Terbutaline, a medicine to stop contractions. They were unsure what the cause of the contractions was, and frankly, they still are unsure. I stabilized fairly well on the Terb until Thursday night when all hell broke loose again. I tracked C. down at Cantlers where he was out with the guys (for future reference, cell phones don't work there, slight panic!)and he rushed to the hospital to find me contracting every 2-3 minutes and getting heavy doses of Magnesium Sulfate (MAG for short around these hospital parts). If anyone has ever been on this drug MAG, you know how nasty it is, but it works. Within a few hours, things had quieted down, however I felt like a truck had hit me and I was a useless puddle. They put in a mega bolis (IV bag) in 20 minutes, then wean the dose down gradually so your body really gets hit like a ton of bricks in a very short time. It is a smooth muscle releaser so EVERY muscle in my body was weak and limp; you just generally feel very nauseous, weak, lifeless, wrestles and sick. It was to the point that I could not even pick up a styrofoam cup of water to sip out of a straw. I could not imagine how I would ever get back to my old self. By Friday night, things were stable again and they started to back off my dosage (this is a drug given by IV) and I was starting to feel a little bit better. It was scary for my family to see me this way. I now understand how a cancer or terminally ill patient feels (in fact, a nurse here who had a cancer patient once said that her bout with MAG was worse than chemo); although I had the luxury of coming back out of it within a few days. Lucky me.

Saturday was a much better day in terms of getting back to my old self. I started eating again and feeling the babies move. I was not able to feel the babies for about 2 days which was scary in itself ~ they have been doing daily sonograms of the kids and they are still doing great. Baby A seems to be hanging in there for now but nobody seems to know this whole thing is going to play out. There are so many unknowns right now.

I get my first dose of steroids tonight for the babies lung development at midnight tonight, and my second dose tomorrow. This should help their little lungs develop a bit more quickly. We also will hopefully have another growth sonogram tomorrow to see how big they are; we're hoping they are growing well; the bigger the better. Although, they are still in a very fragile state. Tomorrow is the 24 week mark; which technically is the viability point for the babies. C. and I met with a NICU nurse for about an hour and half last night and they apparently were watching me on their contraction monitor Thursday night as everyone seemed to think that I was going to deliver then. Thank goodness I didn't realize at that time how close I was. I learned after things started to slow down when my nurse said "The NICU team was very relieved that you stabilized tonight; they were ready and had 3 beds waiting".

It's been a scary time; and literally, one HOUR at a time. My contractions are monitored all day long and watched very closely. At the slightest sign of increase, they will up the meds again and knock things down. Delivery could be today or it could be in several weeks. Nobody seems to know. And that is the hardest part. Each day seems to bring new challenges and questions.

One thing is for sure, our team of doctors have been phenomenal ~ they have taken a team approach to all of this and they are putting their heads together on things before they make any big decisions. This hospital facility is a godsend and I couldn't be in a better place.

As for visitors and phone calls - it's been really hard entertaining either. And I guess the reason is that it's very hard for me to rehash all of these details in person. Thinking about it and answering questions can be upsetting and often times causes me to start contractions. Which obviously is not a good thing. I know I'm here for the duration - nobody is comfortable with me leaving at this point; and I hope maybe this coming week I will be up for seeing some visitors other than just family. For now, I'm scrubbed out, haven't showered, am cathetarized so cannot get out of bed and generally, that makes for an ugly, icky patient. Without being able to do too much for myself, I'm having to rely on my Angel Mother to help with my personal things and my nurses. I'm at their mercy for now so outside visitors are a bit hard to plan for since I don't always know when I'll be lucky enough to have some help to get cleaned up. Chuck seems to be hanging in there OK too, although he's not getting much sleep at all these days, whether he is here staying with me or at home.

I miss everyone terribly and although I miss my life as I knew it one short week ago, this is where I need to be for now to grow these babies. Every hour they can stay with me is a blessing. We got the real deal last night about 24 week old preemies and it's VERY scary. Sure, some do really well but just as many do not. It's tough stuff. We're just putting this all in God's hands now and hoping that we are not faced with too many hard decisions - hopefully those decisions will be answered for us as we press on each hour.

Thank you for your cards, flowers, phone calls, text messages and prayers. We are amazed at the outpouring of support from so many people we don't even know that are extentions of your own families, friends, churches and communities. We know that prayers work - and we're counting on them to carry us through all of this. I will try to post as often as I can. Things seem to turn on a dime so I just never know what the next hour will bring. Know that we love you all and will stay in touch as best as we can. Thank you for everything. Love to all.