Emotional Prep

I believe in miracles. But I don't count on them. Any time you see a miracle, it's a welcome surprise and restoration of faith that they really can happen. That said, I've been working toward trying to prepare emotionally for the loss of one of the babies. The hospital has provided us with some wonderful materials on losing a multiple. Apparently it is VERY common, especially with all of the multiple births these days. In our situation, with a set of identical twins, it's even more common than fraternal twin situations.

We were warned and educated when we first got pregnant on the risks involved. The risk was higher with the identical twins than the fraternal baby. But we decided to go for it - with eyes wide open. Hoping and praying that all would be OK. And if it wasn't OK, we knew we could deal with whatever came our way.

One of the interesting things that the literature has said is that even though you may lose a baby and end up with two, you still carried triplets. And the living babies are still part of triplets, they are not twins. They will always be triplets. The memory of the lost baby will always be there; and it's important to acknowledge and remember that. They encourage you to celebrate the milestones for the lost baby, just as you do for the living babies (birthdays etc.). Although I have lost three other babies prior to this pregnancy, this one will obviously be a great deal different since I carried him for so long, alive.

The hospital social worker has been here a few times, at my request, to talk about options and all of the emotions that I'm feeling. One of the hardest things once the babies come is the extreme joy and the extreme sadness at the same time. It's a hard position to be in because you have two other babies to stay strong for, yet you mourn the loss of the third. And it will be important to make sure that his brothers know all about him too. One of the babies would have had an identical twin - I can imagine that will be strange for Baby B at some point in his life.

As hard as this is, my emotions are tempered by the fact that I know I need to stay strong for these little guys so they can last as long as possible in utero. Some things you can prepare for, and some things you can't. I think C. and I have done all of the preparing that we can for now - it will probably be much harder than we think but that is something that will just have to come when it's time. We'll get through, as we have in the past. Thank God we have each other and such a wonderful support system in our families and friends. I think we both are relieved that we have some time to talk about it and discuss things ~ we are not going to be blindsided. Now we just continue to pray for the health of as many of them as are meant to be on this earth and that is the best that we can do.

Being the realist that I am, I'm getting myself prepared but not discounting that miracles CAN happen. My heart hurts some days over it; but healing will come. It's just going to take time. It will always be THE JOURNEY OF THREE. And I hope that the boys will always know of the ultimate gift that their brother gave to them early in life.