The Old Days

I had the privilege of having dinner with four of my life long gal pals last night. We’ve been friends for over 30 years – can you believe that? WOW. It’s not often that we all can find a night that everyone can make it, without kids, during the week, for 3 hours of “us” time. But we made it work – and it’s probably the first time we’ve done it in 10 years. Since kids started arriving on the scene, schedules are just too hard to coordinate. We see each other all of the time for other events, but not often do we get the one on one time with just the old high school girls. We used our girlfriends impending twin boy delivery in May as a great excuse to get together, celebrate and see her growing belly.

Our discussions started out as catching up on the kids, parents, home life etc. And by the end of the night, we were all competing for talk time to bring up one more story out of the archives. We were debating whether OUR kids would be able to get away with what we got away with over all of those years. Some of our antics are almost unspeakable, others are the same as everyone else’s growing up. Nonetheless, we did all agree that we are lucky to be alive to discuss these stories as many of them gave us some pretty bad odds that we would even make it to be 30 some-things.

Since 3 out of 5 of us married people we went to high school with, many of our stories included our spouses before we got old and got married. Which sort of makes it even funnier. My girls were CRAZY way back when – and based on our New Years Eve celebration a few weeks ago, I must say that we have not changed all that much since then. We can still get our dance and drink on when we try!

We recalled many stories that were gut busting funny – like the time that J arrived at school (and stayed the entire day) under the influence and never got busted; and the time that R and I lied to a teacher and left school for a supposed school errand and went to the beach to lay out (and got busted by the way); and the Sunday afternoon when about 25 of us (all varsity athletes) got a keg and drove out on school property (on the baseball field) and had a co-ed field hockey game using the equipment we broke into the school after hours to get; or the many parties that we attended at “the temple” which was the area underneath an overpass on US Route 50; or all of the nights we spent at R’s house sneaking out of her basement with our boyfriends while her Mom was sleeping upstairs; and the time that L was driving us all and we almost flipped her car as we swerved to miss one of our teachers in her car; or when D stole a pack of sprees from 7-eleven and tried to blame L as the cops showed up at her front door; ah, the list goes on.

As I arrived home I noticed the local paper from a night or two ago sitting on the table with the headline being that one of the high schools had to close down a dance last weekend for “drinking and dirty dancing”. I had to laugh. Times are so different now – by virtue of the fact that I’m actually saying this out loud, makes me an official old person. But time passes and I guess that’s what happens. We grow old, and grow up. We become much like our own parents. We struggle with the toughest job there is in my view – raising kids in today’s world. The choices and decisions that kids now days have to face seem so daunting to me, even as an adult. As we all venture down this unknown path, doing the best that we can, it’s absolutely wonderful to have old friends to lean on who you’ve known forever. And even better, our kids will grow up and old together too.

Aside from the parenting perspective, it’s wonderful to have such awesome long time girl friends who are part of your life after all of these years. Our relationships have been forged over time and they will be there forever. Although we all have ventured in our different directions in life, we all come back to our core every so often. It’s not often that you stay connected so well with so many childhood friends and have the opportunity to live close by for frequent visits. We’re lucky to have each other aren’t we?

The Middle Place

I attended my first book signing ever last night. What an interesting event. I didn’t really know what to expect at such an event – but it was really a pleasant surprise. The author is Kelly Corrigan. She’s the sister of two lucky guys I know – these boys are crazy boys who I only knew in my younger years. They are grown up now (well, sort of). I happened to go to college with the younger of the two – and the older one had the pleasure of dating my college roommate & best friend for a long time. Suffice to say that there are many stories about all of them and meeting the third sibling in the equation was quite a pleasure. Kelly is a really cool person to meet. For so many reasons. She’s hysterically funny (which you will see if you read her book), upbeat, honest and she’s the kind of person who can carry on an endless conversation with perfect strangers. And when you walk away, you are smiling and you feel like you’ve known her forever. It’s really fun to meet dynamic people like that – it’s so refreshing. We sipped wine while Kelly read a few chapters from the book - one that made us cry, and one that made us laugh.

Although I’m only about half way through her book so far (trying furiously to find more hours in a day so I can get sucked in by the book again in my jammies under a blanket), I get it. She wrote the book when she was my age (she’s now 3 years older) and it’s so prudent to where many of us mid-life women (pigeons) are right now. We’re raising young families and trying to (or not to) worry about our parents. We’re in between being parents and needing our parents. Her writings are straight from her heart and based on her experience of being diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer with two small children and a husband. Only to find out shortly after that that her Dad was diagnosed with cancer too. She was trying to be a grown up, raise her kids, act like an adult when she was sidelined going through cancer treatment and finding that she needed her parents like she did when she was a kid. Low and behold, then she was forced to worry about her Dad's prognosis more than her own. She was caught in the middle. If you haven’t read the book, please pick it up. Especially if you’ve been through any sort of family crisis in your adult years, you’ll appreciate it so much. I didn't mean to make this into a commercial for her book - honest.

But I can relate. This happened to me once I got pregnant and started having problems with the pregnancy. My world got suddenly smaller and I needed my parents like I did when I was a kid; it was instinct to want them with me. They rallied with us through the storm – my Mom being by my bedside every single day, and MANY nights. I’m flooded with tears as I write this. I remember feeling a bit guilty that all I wanted was my Mom & Dad. I felt guilty because at this stage in our lives, my husband was supposed to be the only one I needed in my time of crisis.

Don’t get me wrong, with everything we had gone through over the years, he was my rock. He really was. And I like to think that I was his too as he struggled through some difficult times. But now, this was a whole different level of “need”. I was lost, scared and vulnerable. The very thing I had worked so hard for (children) might be taken from me. There’s no rationalizing that – all you can do is just rally through it. Kind of like cancer for Kelly. I guess it’s just part of the natural cycle of life – there will be a day when our parents aren’t there any longer for us; if not already for some. And then it’s too late to appreciate this “middle place”. Kelly’s message was to enjoy it while you can – it’s not a bad place to be.

It's always fun to meet an author in person - if nothing else than just to get the sense that they are a real person like you and I. It puts things in perspective and gives us a great appreciation for those who can put their feelings, thoughts and life events into words that the rest of us can relate to. And there's nothing like a good book that you don't want to end. My hat is off to Kelly for an excellent book that really hits home for so many.

Early am

This is usually how the kids start off their morning - it is VERY funny to watch and hear - they are in their own cribs but both get underneath the hanging quilt and play peek a boo and giggle with each other. Unfortunately I caught only the tail end on film but you can get the idea.



One of the biggest advantages of multiples is that they always have each other to play with. So far, they are pretty good play mates...time will tell! You can also see in this clip, JD has a new fondness for his blanky, which he tries to take everywhere with him. He especially loves to pull it out of his crib about a thousand times a day.

JD walks, Cole talks

I finally got a little bit of footage of JD walking - this was actually a few days ago so he's perfected it a bit more now - every day he seems to get a little more gutsy and take more chances. Walking is definitely his preferred mode of transport now. Cole is babbling like a mad man in this video - kinda funny to hear him chattering.

Success!

JD was a champ today! His surgery went extremely well - no glitches other than the schedule being behind by about an hour. He handled the no food and no nap just great - in fact, he fell asleep in my arms around 11:15, after 2 hours of waiting. They came to get him for surgery around noon time and he was already asleep so the anesthesia was a piece of cake.


Surprisingly, and very unlike his Mommy, he woke up quickly and happily from his "sleep" and drank some water and was ready to go. He ate in the car all the way home and ate a huge lunch once we got back to the house. He's as good as new - just has a big band aid on his forehead. Aside from his bandage, you would never know anything happened.



Thanks to everyone for your calls, thoughts and prayers. I think it was definitely harder on me than it was on JD - which is a good thing. Brother Cole had a fun day with Gramma while we were gone too. I'm just glad it's behind us now. Onward we go!

Stoic

Look how stoic he looks here. Funny....

Perspective for the New Year

This was forwarded to me today - I loved it too much to not share it.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, and those who are most important to you!

Surgery Eve

JD has his surgery tomorrow - in the medical world, it's considered minor outpatient surgery. In our world, anything that involves putting your child under anesthesia is pretty major - regardless of what the doctors say. The planner that I am had been waiting all day to find out what time surgery was scheduled for - all the while remembering that we cannot give him anything to eat or drink (except for water) after midnight. I was praying for an early time so it would be as easy as possible on him. Finally, at 4pm I got the call - surgery is scheduled for 11:15 am. WHAT? That's almost lunch time! So they are expecting him to go without a meal from dinner the night before to lunch the following day - a 16 month old? Apparently so. He'll be getting a middle of the night bottle (shame on me) so that at least he has one last meal at the latest possible time.


Despite my begging for an earlier time, we're stuck with 11:15. That's what we get for going to a well sought out pediatric surgeon at Childrens in DC I guess. Since all of the patients are children, there are others in a worse predicament than we are who have the later times. As I was complaining and feeling my blood pressure rise when I hung up, I remember that there are probably very sick SMALLER babies ahead of us who need the surgery to save their lives or are in a much more critical place than JD is. We'll suck it up. I'm sure it will all work out just fine.


I was trying to take a photo today of JD that would show his cyst - it's hard to capture. In fact, some days it looks bigger than others; and it moves. So if you get it just right, it can look really big. And other days, you can barely see it. It's right at the edge of his left eye.


Surgery will last about 30 minutes and Dr. P is going to make a small incision in the eyebrow and pull it out there. That will minimize any scarring. This is a very common place for cysts like this because it is where the face plates fuse together when the baby is growing in utero. There is a small risk of infection if we were to leave it in there - but since it's growing and becoming very obvious (almost everyone asks if he bumped his eye), we elected to take it out. He will probably get a black eye from it but other than that, you won't even be able to tell. No outside stitches either - just some inside ones that will dissolve.


I'm trying to be a strong Mommy. Just hoping for a fast, flawless surgery and that we're in and out of there in a short time. Back again tomorrow with updates on the little guy.


And just for kicks, here's JD's ornery twin while I was trying to take a photo of JD's eye this evening - he's quite the entertainer these days & gets a big kick out of himself...


Thanks for all of the well wishes!

All too familiar

The hospital social worker called me this week.

Here are the stats:
35 year old woman;
Triplet pregnancy;
IVF/Fertility patient;
Has suffered multiple losses prior to this pregnancy;
Went on bedrest at 23 weeks;
In hospital until delivery;
Shortening cervix;
Contractions coming & going periodically; on meds to control pre-term labor;
One baby is ailing and might not make it – blood flow problems from the placenta and not growing as well as the other two babies;
Active working Mom who was sidelined unexpectedly by perinatologist at a regular visit;
No other kids at home

Sound familiar? It’s my story almost verbatim – only a year and a half later. My heart sank when I heard about this woman; especially when I heard that one of her babies is in danger and might not live. I called her immediately and went to visit her that night. I felt badly that I went empty handed since I wasn’t really sure what she liked or what she needed. It’s hard to know what someone might need when you haven’t met them before.

As I walked in, my thoughts were jumbled. What do I say first? I so vividly remember being in her shoes and I struggled to remember what I would have wanted someone to say who walked in to visit me in that state. She greeted me with a smile; and a cute little belly full of babies. She’s been on bedrest for 14 days so far – and seemed to be in great spirits and very positive. Her stay is indefinite and she’s OK with that. Whatever it takes to get those babies here safely.

We talked about the hard stuff. We discussed what happens when you lose a baby. We discussed how our hospital handles the death of an infant/stillborn baby and how it all works. We discussed the dynamic that exists for losing a “multiple”. We discussed NICU. We discussed infertility. It pained me to have to talk about this with someone who has yet to experience all of it – but was so glad that someone was able to give her this information to help her prepare. Although you can’t ever fully prepare for any of that, having a little bit of a heads up hopefully will be helpful. You just roll with the punches and take it one day at a time.

If you have it to give, please say a prayer for R. and her little family in the inside. And her husband. They actually live about 2 hours away from the hospital so her husband is not able to be there with her during the week – only on weekends. She’s spending a lot of her days alone – just her and the babies. That in itself is really tough. As we go on about our days, she lays in the hospital bed watching the clock, eating hospital food and watching day time tv. The days usually drag on by in between naps and an every other day shower. The upside is that she has the opportunity to be on bedrest to let the babies grow. They aren’t ready yet – and the longer they stay inside, the better for everyone. So onward she goes – to hurry up and wait. Delivery will be delayed as long as possible – for the babies’ sake.

Until then, we will continue to try to keep R. preoccupied, positive and sane within the hospital walls. It’s just eerily familiar isn’t it?

We hope that everyone had a fun, happy New Years celebration and here's to a healthy, prosperous and great 2008!