All too familiar

The hospital social worker called me this week.

Here are the stats:
35 year old woman;
Triplet pregnancy;
IVF/Fertility patient;
Has suffered multiple losses prior to this pregnancy;
Went on bedrest at 23 weeks;
In hospital until delivery;
Shortening cervix;
Contractions coming & going periodically; on meds to control pre-term labor;
One baby is ailing and might not make it – blood flow problems from the placenta and not growing as well as the other two babies;
Active working Mom who was sidelined unexpectedly by perinatologist at a regular visit;
No other kids at home

Sound familiar? It’s my story almost verbatim – only a year and a half later. My heart sank when I heard about this woman; especially when I heard that one of her babies is in danger and might not live. I called her immediately and went to visit her that night. I felt badly that I went empty handed since I wasn’t really sure what she liked or what she needed. It’s hard to know what someone might need when you haven’t met them before.

As I walked in, my thoughts were jumbled. What do I say first? I so vividly remember being in her shoes and I struggled to remember what I would have wanted someone to say who walked in to visit me in that state. She greeted me with a smile; and a cute little belly full of babies. She’s been on bedrest for 14 days so far – and seemed to be in great spirits and very positive. Her stay is indefinite and she’s OK with that. Whatever it takes to get those babies here safely.

We talked about the hard stuff. We discussed what happens when you lose a baby. We discussed how our hospital handles the death of an infant/stillborn baby and how it all works. We discussed the dynamic that exists for losing a “multiple”. We discussed NICU. We discussed infertility. It pained me to have to talk about this with someone who has yet to experience all of it – but was so glad that someone was able to give her this information to help her prepare. Although you can’t ever fully prepare for any of that, having a little bit of a heads up hopefully will be helpful. You just roll with the punches and take it one day at a time.

If you have it to give, please say a prayer for R. and her little family in the inside. And her husband. They actually live about 2 hours away from the hospital so her husband is not able to be there with her during the week – only on weekends. She’s spending a lot of her days alone – just her and the babies. That in itself is really tough. As we go on about our days, she lays in the hospital bed watching the clock, eating hospital food and watching day time tv. The days usually drag on by in between naps and an every other day shower. The upside is that she has the opportunity to be on bedrest to let the babies grow. They aren’t ready yet – and the longer they stay inside, the better for everyone. So onward she goes – to hurry up and wait. Delivery will be delayed as long as possible – for the babies’ sake.

Until then, we will continue to try to keep R. preoccupied, positive and sane within the hospital walls. It’s just eerily familiar isn’t it?