The Gift of Life

We had a really cool thing happen today in our family. For starters, both Grandmothers have now held one of the babies, which I know was great for both the babies and the Grandma's. And today, as Grammy (my Mom) was holding Baby Cole, they told us that he might need another blood transfusion since his hematocrit level (red blood cell count) was a bit on the low side again. This would be his third one, and each time, he gets better and better. We're hoping that this will be his last one. With that in mind...

Some of you might know, Mom has O- blood, which is the universal donor type. But she also is missing a certain element in her blood which many other O- people have, therefore she is able to donate blood for preemie babies. I think it's something like only 2% of O- people are able to donate blood for premature infants, therefore they are always looking for donors and blood for preemies is in short supply (those of you with O- blood should go get checked to see if you can donate!). Mom has been doing this for a few years now, never suspecting that she would have grand baby preemies in NICU who might need blood. When we were at the hospital earlier this week, she donated since there were two babies at that time that needed blood immediately (not our babies). Little did we know how perfect that timing would be. She is now a direct donor for Baby Cole. I can barely think of this without crying and feeling overwhelmingly thankful that our baby has received his grandmothers blood. He had his 3rd transfusion yesterday and last night (they do it in two parts - it's only a total of 10cc's of blood) and now he will always have a part of Grammy with him. That is pretty special in my book! Mom, you have given this precious little 29 week old baby the ultimate gift of life. He will be forever thankful, and so will C & I. Something about knowing where that blood came from is so comforting and reassuring.

Cole says "Thanks Grammy!"


That said, when I got to the hospital last night for my evening visit, Cole looked great. He was so pink and vibrant. I held both boys last night for well over an hour together and they snuggled into my chest. For the first time, I got to spend that time alone with them since I went by myself last night. It was really a special hour for me - and I hope for them. It's always so hard to give them back up after that. We have some good chats. I savor those moments so much. For someday, they won't be able to both snuggle together like that - nor will they want to. They will be busy little boys, trying to find trouble.

They both are doing very well and making small milestones every day. They had their first routine head scan yesterday so we're awaiting results on that. They scan their brains routinely when they are so small to look for any hemorrhaging or fluid. Again, something very normal and common for preemies due to all of the tiny blood vessels in their heads. And we still have not heard anything from Cole's culture of his spinal. We are hopeful that both of those major tests come back clean - all fingers crossed that we hear something on those today.

I am driving again - wooo hoooo! I drove myself around a bit yesterday and wow, did that feel liberating! That was my last piece of independence that I was waiting to get back. It felt good; and as I plan my day today, it feels good not to have to rely on others to get me where I want to go when. I'm free!

Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes. We are making progress each day - and watching these boys grow and become little people is one amazing thing. I never want to forget these days. As stressful as they are at times, it's truly a miracle in the making and not everyone gets to experience such a thing.

The boys are doing well - Day 10 NICU

Well, I haven't had much time to do real updates in between hospital trips, errands, doc appts etc. over the last few days. Mom is healing up well - I'm feeling good physically, just get tired easily. Most of that is from the long term bedrest. There isn't a single muscle in my body any more so it's going to take some more time to get my strength back. It's getting better, slowly but surely.

We just feel so lucky that the boys are doing so well - they have the normal preemie issues going on but nothing too serious right now. Both have sporadic issues with apnea and the bradacardia (forget to breath and drop in heart rates) but that is to be expected with such young babies with immature nervous systems. They are both eating pretty well and taking only breast milk through their feeding tubes which is wonderful. I held Cole for a while yesterday morning and then held JD for a while last night. It feels so good to have them in my arms. The day before when we all were together (holding both boys) I read them a little book. They didn't seem too interested since they were so snuggly but I'm sure they were listening; Cole was awake staring at his brother the entire time when they were both in my arms; JD was not nearly as social and chose to sleep the whole time.

I got a little scared yesterday when one of the nurse practitioners came over and pulled up a chair while I was sitting there. That usually means serious business. She told me that they were doing a procedure on Cole yesterday afternoon to check his spinal fluid to be sure that there is no infection there. He's fighting some sort of infection in his body somewhere and they are trying to locate it. Babies don't localize infection like adults do so sometimes it's hard to find. Well, thinking of a 2lb baby having a spinal just scared the &^%#$% out of me, as you can imagine. She assured me that he would be fine etc. Needless to say, I couldn't be there for it, it would be too hard so his brave Daddy was with him and he did great. Not even a wimper. The preliminary tests came back all negative which is wonderful - now we wait for the culture to come back in 2-3 days. We're keeping our fingers crossed. It's a curable situation and not life threatening or anything so if they find something, he will be on a round of antibiotics for a longer period of time.

The boys should start putting on some weight again soon - as long as they continue to tolerate their feedings, which seem to increase every day, they should start to grow. They lost some of their birth weight so they are down about 4 oz each. JD is up to 15 cc's (30 cc's in an ounce)of milk and Cole is at 9 cc's every 3 hours. Their digestive systems seem to get a little better as we go. Both C & I got dirty diapers from them the other night, which is a good sign! It's amazing trying to change a diaper on a two pound little guy - their little legs flail, just like any other regular size baby. They are just miniature size.

So far we love every nurse that we have had over there - they all are just amazing. They treat these babies like their own and keep them so comfy. What amazing people they are to dedicate themselves so graciously to these little babies trying to make their way in the world.

Thank you for your continued prayers and warm messages. We look forward to getting back in touch with friends and family in the coming weeks as we work out a routine here. C. has gone back to work and I'm still getting carted around by the Grandma's for now. Hoping to start driving this weekend. That's my last little piece of independence that I can get back. I usually go to the hospital in the morning'ish to see the babies, drop their food and help with the 11am cares. Then we go back again in the evening for their 8pm cares. Two visits a day is working well for now - although it's always hard to leave, we all need to keep up on our rest. For once they come home, rest will be an unknown entity, I'm sure! I can't wait for that day!

Kodak Moments

BROTHERS...Best Buddies

Reunited on their 1 week birthday!

I'm almost speechless - I can't even explain the feeling of holding these babies in my arms, together for the first time. It was one of the most special moments of my life.

Look Mom, no more tubes!

I don't want to start getting cocky about it but I'm so proud of my boys today - they both were taken off of respirator support and just have the little oxygen things in their noses - called the nasal canula. They are holding their own now - and we'll just continue to keep our fingers crossed that they can keep this up! Their little lungs are developing more and more each day so even if they have to go back on some level of breathing support for a little while, at least we know that they can do it!

They had a very lazy day today - and both were resting very peacefully and comfortably; well, after little Cole got his tube out. He kept trying to pull it out anyway - the little feisty guy that he is! His personality is already shining through.

I got to hold JD for a little while this evening - which was awesome. We're still waiting to hold Cole - maybe tomorrow. I'm so hopeful - I just can't wait to get that little one in my arms.

Here are a few cute pics of them today - they were much more alert than we've seen them; probably because they are resting so much more comfortably. Off to bed - I'm pooped. More tomorrow.

Cole chatting with Mommy;


JD chatting with Daddy;

Father & Son

Daddy finally got to hold JD last night - the photos tell the story. We're hoping to have Cole out today and be able to hold him too. The nurse is going to try to get them both out at the same time so we each can hold them together. Our family will finally be united. Doesn't get much better than that! Through the tears, I have never been so grateful as I am today;





And since we didn't get to hold Cole yet, I don't want to leave him out. Here's a cute picture of him snuggling after we weighed and did his cares. He's a lover & has come a long way in the last 5 days! We're so proud of him.

Lucky Mommy!

As we hoped, the boys had a good night last night and JD was able to come out for some Kangaroo time today - it was wonderful! Both of us were able to help with taking temperatures and changing diapers today too - C. did Cole and I did JD. It's so awesome to be able to touch them and work with them a little bit. I feel like they are so fragile but when you see the nurses handle them, you realize that they won't break. JD cried a bit today which was sad but good to hear - it means his lungs are working well and he's strong. Their little bodies are just so amazing!

The other big news is that Cole came off of the ventilator today! They put him on CPAP, just like his brother and he seems to be holding OK on it for now. He's a little weaker than JD is so they were hopeful that he would be able to hold his own. Time will tell but we can't wait to go see him tonight without that big tube in his little mouth. We have never been able to see his face too well since he's been intubated since birth so it will be great to see him! The nurse said that maybe tomorrow we'll get to hold him - that would be awesome. She wants to try to get them both out at the same time so each of us can hold them together. We're keeping our fingers crossed that he will hold OK through the night and we'll be able to look forward to that in the morning.

Cole's liver function tests came back great from last night so they are reassured that his little organs are working well. There was some concern due to his coloring since he's a bit darker than his brother. I told them it was just that nice dark italian skin! He's still under the blue lights today but hopefully that will change soon too; then he can have his sunglasses off!

Here are a few snaps from today - hoping to get some more tonight once we go back and see him off of the vent. I'll post more as we get them. It's another good day to be thankful for!!! I still can't believe that they are only 5 days old - it seems like it's been weeks since they were born...

Mommy & JD having some bonding time!


Baby Cole relaxing with his arm behind his head - he's just like his Daddy! See C.'s hand in the background?

Update on Cole & JD

Well, our morning visit this morning was great - we just couldn't get to the hospital fast enough! Plus, we had the "goods" (aka-breast milk) stocked up from the night so we needed to get that there for their daily feedings. They are receiving my milk through their OG tube (feeding tube)which goes from their nose to their bellies. JD is tolerating feedings well and is up to about 6cc's of food, every 3 hours. Cole had trouble tolerating today's feeding for some reason (he's on 3cc's, every 3 hours) so they were going to give him something to try to stabilize his belly.

JD has been off of the ventilator for a couple of days now and his breathing had become somewhat labored and fast. In fact, he looked like he was tiring himself out breathing so fast. His blood gas levels came back a bit low all day yesterday so they put him on CPAP which is a step below the ventilator but still assists with his breathing a bit. It is actually forced air through the nose, instead of having a tube down the throat to the lungs. He seems much more content today and relaxed. He opened his eyes a few times when we were there and we talked to him. He definitely recognizes our voices which is so amazing. Cole recognizes me too, and will squeeze my finger occasionally when I talk to him. Their fingers are so amazingly small, it's even hard to describe.

The nurse showed me how to take their temperature today in the armpit and I was able to help change my first diaper for JD. We laughed since that was the first of THOUSANDS of diapers we'll be changing over the next few years! We were just happy that the nurses allow us to participate in things with them when we're there. Both C. and I have had the opportunity to help with their feedings over the last few days and that is wonderful too.

I was told today that maybe tomorrow I'll get to hold JD again ~ they were not comfortable taking him out of his crib today since he was having some trouble keeping his body temperature up. But maybe tomorrow. My arms are aching to hold him again - and Baby Cole too. We're hopeful that he'll be off of the vent in the next week or so and he can come out for some Kangaroo care too.

Here are a few new pics of the boys. We have some great ones that the NICU nurses have snapped for us but they are not digital so unfortunately, I can't post them yet. In a few days, I'll get the scanner hooked back up and get them on line. For now, these will have to do.

Here we are helping with JD's feeding yesterday:


This is Mommy with Cole (you can get an idea of their size):


And Mommy & Daddy with JD:

Home Sweet Home

Yesterday (Friday, 9.1.06) was my homecoming, after almost 7 weeks in the hospital. We were supposed to be discharged today, but my doctor offered up an early "going home" and I couldn't resist. I happily accepted and began packing - then I suddenly realized that this would mean leaving my boys behind, at the hospital. It was bittersweet, that is for sure. We got all packed up and went down for a long visit with the boys at the NICU. It was a good visit - they are both doing very well. But then it came time to leave and I just couldn't get my feet moving away from their cribs. "When you have a baby, you're supposed to take it home with you I thought. This is just too hard." After some reassuring words from their nurse, and lots of tears, we began to mosey back to our old room 215 to get officially discharged.

Over the weeks there at the hospital, we had made the room mine. We had pictures and cards, lots of snacks, my closet with clothes in it, beautiful flowers, which had arrived after the boys came, and many other personal things that made Room 215 as close to home as it could be. When we returned to the room around 6:30 last night, all of that had been packed up and as Chuck went for one last load to the car, I was left there for a few minutes alone. It just wasn't the same without everything there. And this is my chance to thank so many of you for sending us cards, encouragement, well wishes, prayers, flowers, food goodies and the many other things ~ you helped me on my journey and made it easier to bear. Without those things, I would never have felt so at home there. I can never thank you all enough for that. Each day I struggled with guilt knowing that I could not possibly return all of the emails and blog messages that were sent daily. I hope that you know how much they meant to me and how they kept me going each and every day.

As the nurse wheeled me out of the 2nd floor, we passed by the nurses station where there were a few of my nurses; it was so hard to say goodbye, but I know with my frequent trips back to NICU, I'll be able to see them often. I made friends with some of my nurses - that is so rare. You guys are the BEST and if it had not been for you, I would have lost it within days of being there. You guys kept me going all day long! I'll never forget your friendship, compassion and genuine concern for Chuck and I, our babies and our family. You truly are special people.

We finally got loaded up (in the midst of Tropical Storm Ernesto, by the way) and started heading home. The rain felt so good on my face when I walked out. The daylight was so welcoming. The car and my surroundings were changing again and it was a feeling I'll always remember. The day had come when I could leave the hospital. Something about not knowing "when" that day would come, is hard. We got stuck in lots of traffic and for the first time, I didn't care a bit. I was headed home.

By the time we got my prescriptions filled and actually got in the door, I was exhausted; but nonetheless, so relieved and happy to be here. Sleeping in my own bed and using my own shower were the two things I appreciated most. And seeing my kitties was awesome too. Gus has been attached to my hip ALL DAY.

Needless to say, as hard as it was to leave JD & Cole, I'm happy to be here. They are only a few minutes away - and I can visit anytime. So for now, I'm trying to heal and recover as best that I can, so I can be there for them in the coming weeks. A tired, no good Mommy is not good for her kids. There's so much to do here at home to get things ready, but nothing as important as watching those babies grow and helping them along. I'm happy to be home - and I'll do my best not to ever take "home" for granted again. As my Grammy would say, "home again, home again, jiggity jig".

Little Angels

One of my favorite nurses (you know who you are!) sent this poem to me the day after my boys were born. It was such a beautiful poem, I need to share it since Baby Cal is our little Angel. I can't read it without sobbing, but they are healing tears at the same time. If any of you have lost children, this one's for you too. They are safe in Heaven.

Little Angels

When God calls little children
To dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometime question
The wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
The death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem so wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to his fold.
So he picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
And so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
Still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows
Will always be “Goodbye.”
So when a little child departs,
We who are left behind
Must realize God loves children.
Angels are hard to find.