Birthday hangover

You guys turned 9 yesterday. I still don't know how this happened. It really feels like just yesterday you were born. As all of us Moms say, I wish there was a way to slow down time.

I woke up early (no surprise) yesterday feeling very heavy. Heavy heart, heavy head and just generally out of sorts. I know why. But I was hoping I could talk myself out of it and put on my happy face for you both since afterall, birthdays are the BEST, especially for 9 year olds. I did my best. With a lump in my throat all day and on the verge of tears at any second. We were busy all day with soccer so that helped. But anytime I had a few minutes alone, the tears just came. As hard as I tried to hold them back, they came.  I sat in the grocery store parking lot a little while later in the day and just sobbed. It felt good.

It's Calvin I miss so much. As the years go, it never fades. August 29 is such a bittersweet day and it's just so hard to figure out how to cope. I want to enjoy the day for my living kids sakes - you both are such miracles and gifts. And you absolutely LOVE your birthday, like any other kids.  But it's also the day that part of my heart went to heaven.  That part of my heart will never heal completely - and I know that. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

When I woke up today, I felt lighter. A LOT lighter. I can smile again today without crying. The 29th came and went - and we forge on to have another banner year ahead. Your ninth year will undoubtedly bring lots of new milestones and fun. All the while I always wonder about that brother of yours - what would he be like; and I'm sad we are missing out on another Licameli boy.  Calvin, continue to watch over us and help us be the best we can be. You are still our little hero boy - and I can't wait to see you someday when we get to meet again.

One and done. For now.

As we sat on the couch this evening watching TV I look over and you have posted yourself to my Instagram account. 

We are definitely not ready for this yet  Let it be known that this was your first social media post ever. And the last for a while!

Sweetness

Cole, I can only hope that this holds true in the coming years. This came home from school in your folder today. I was floored. You know how to make a Mom feel like the luckiest one on earth!

Sweetness.

Mommy

Our Everyday

This week, starting on Wednesday at 3:30, I decided to do a 24 hour photo project of our family. For the 24 hours following you getting home from school, my camera was attached to me. Surprisingly, you guys rolled with it. And you were even a little bit interested in why I would do such a thing.

Aside from the fact that I love my camera and taking pictures fills my soul - I wanted to document our "normal".  I don't want to forget the small things that we take for granted every day. Our routine is nothing exciting. And it's much like everyone else's.  But for me, when the days start to drone on with the same old routine day in and day out - I often forget to notice the little things.

But after the 24 hours, I looked back on the photos (I took over 125) and was able to smile and know that I did indeed capture your personalities. And I love that.  This will forever make me smile.

Everyday. April 2015

Love,
Mom

Never a quitter!

We had the coolest day today. I took you boys to an adventure Park where they have ropes, cables, zip lines, ladders and all kinds of other obstacles. You guys could not wait! Once we had our orientation you both were off and running. I was following closely behind and hoping I could keep up with you both.

We stuck together for the first course and then JD moved on. Cole, you and I stuck together and took our time on the next 4 courses. We climbed for about 4 hours. 

I spent a good part of the day behind you  Cole, with tears streaming down my cheeks. While I know that you love adventure, I also know that adventures like this make you a little scared and aren't easy. For so many years you have had low muscle tone (due to being a preemie) and speed and balance take more effort for you. 

Watching you today was incredible. You were having so much fun and you were very proud of what you were doing. At times you were really scared and you would stop. In the middle of an obstacle. And the people around us would start cheering for you. And then you'd start moving again. 

Twice, your zip line stopped short and you didn't reach the platform; and you were there hanging 20 feet above the ground. Both times, you yelled that you needed help. And both times I told you to start pulling yourself to the platform with your hands. The helpers below started cheering for you again and we all coached you until you made it. You did it. 

You will never understand how proud I am to watch you do these kinds of things. These are things that I wasn't sure you would ever be able to in the days and weeks following your birth. 

After a few months of watching you fight or your life,  it didn't take me long to understand that you are not a quitter. Days like today only remind me of how lucky we are. 

You were incredible today and you are such a great reminder to me of how we all can do anything we want to do. We just can't stop trying. You must've yelled at me 50 times to not help you today. We had quite a line behind us because we were moving pretty slow but you didn't care. You were taking your own sweet time and you were doing it. And you did. 

And sometimes you even helped each other - rather than pushing each other off the 20' high platform.

Cole, you spent a good deal of the day with that scared, unsure look on your face. But not once did you quit or say you were done. You never fail until you stop trying. Thank you for that reminder sweet boy. 

Love, Mom

Another Art show

So proud of you JD - your work is in the art show this month! 

Bad Hair Day

Crazy hair day didnt work so well for you today Cole. This one is for the books. 

Honesty

I love this so so much!

I am honest when I...

I told my mom I didn't break my mom's lamp but eventually I told her. 

8th Birthday Palooza!

It's been a fun few weeks since your real birthday, back in August. Lots of fun celebrations stretched out over the weeks. You are some lucky boys!

JD's party was yesterday - what a fun day with fun friends. Your soccer party went off without a hitch - no casualties or injuries and lots of dirty, tired faces by the end. You played your hearts out all afternoon - soccer, football, street hockey and a big game of tag.  I hope it was exactly what you wanted my sweet. You sure looked like you were having the time of your life.

Here's to a sweet 8th year buddy. Love you to pieces.

8 is GREAT!

SkyZone Trampoline Park! We celebrated Cole's birthday today in jumpin' fashion. Next weekend we will celebrate JD!