Pain in the neck....

You never cease to amaze me. You are such a trooper. This was our day today. MRI & CT scans of your neck & back.

For 5 weeks, you have been complaining sporadically that your back hurts. The area you pointed to, at the top of your back, never had a bruise, red mark or any swelling. Yet it still hurt sometimes. But you kept playing sports, mentioning it every now and again but not stopping activity. It didn't really phase you much. Over the last week, it got increasingly worse, and to the point where you couldn't stand up straight or move your head forward.  You didn't play in your playoff game last weekend.  You haven't slept in a few days more than an hour at a time (neither have we).  You wake up screaming and hurting.

We had figured it was a spasming muscle and we needed some muscle relaxers and stretching.  The minute we walked into Dr. G's office, I knew by their face that it was not a muscle strain. It was something bigger. We weren't there 10 minutes and we were back out the door to be seen immediately by someone else. Off we went for an emergency MRI.  Amazingly enough, you tolerated that tube better than most people I know. For 15 minutes, you stayed in that loud tube and stayed still.  They gave you earplugs and big ear muffs to try to quiet the noise. I was starting to panic FOR you....and finally you were out.

We waited a LONG 30 minutes for the results. The radiologist called me and said "I see a herniated disk at T1 & T2". WHAT??????

10 year olds don't get herniated disks. You have a T1 & T2 end plate herniation. Your Dad and I looked at each other with wide eyes. No way. He conferred right away with Dr. G and then we talked to them. This is serious. It's rare. You have had a traumatic incident that caused this. But none of us know what that could have been? It had to be more than the somersaults that we thought maybe it was....was it exacerbated by your continuing to play sports and wrestle with your brother day in and day out? How can this be.

I'm scared for your future - and just praying that this can resolve quickly and fully and you'll never have to deal with it again. I'm feeling terrible for not taking you to have it looked at sooner. I pride myself on not being an alarmist. That didn't work out so well this time did it.

We have an appt on Wednesday at Johns Hopkins with a pediatric orthopedic that is going to be able to tell us what we're dealing with. I'm scared. I'm hopeful because you are so strong and resilient - but I'm scared.  I haven't had this feeling since our NICU days.  And it all came flooding back.

Be strong sweet boy. You are going to be just fine, I know in my heart. And Calvin, if you're so inclined, see what you can do up there for your brother Cole. We know you have some pull.

More as we learn more on Wednesday....until then, lots of prayers and spoilage ❤️.

Valentines Day 2017

You boys are learning from your Dad how to be a good Valentine! You always make it such a special day for me. I'm a lucky Mom.

10 years old - double digits!

10 years ago you arrived in emergency after several weeks of trying to keep you quiet and growing inside my belly.  You were 12 weeks early and we were scared.  We were dying to meet you but wished you would wait a little longer.  Calvin had other plans and into the world you came!

You two changed me completely;  you made me a Mom.  Someday when you have children of your own you will comprehend how much that means.  I’m doing my best at teaching you and helping you grow up.  Sometimes I get it right, often I do not.  You and your needs are always my first priority.

I want you to know how much I love to watch you.  I love watching you sleep, learn, play sports, have fun, be challenged, play with each other and love your family.  I love watching you laugh and smile.  Your smiles light up my world and make my heart happy. 

You two have taught me so many things.  You make me a better person – as I see our images in both of you.  The bond between a Mom and son is special.  It is me who you come to in the middle of the night after a bad dream.  It is me who you yell at when things don’t go quite the way you expect or hope.  You ask good questions, some unanswerable, but you trust in me with your heart.   I hope to always be your safe place. We have our secrets “in the tree”.  I love that about us.

10 years ago, I would have never guessed how fast this time would go.  We’ve had so many firsts that I clearly remember – and so many “lasts” that I haven’t realized until they were gone.  I sometimes wish I could have all of those things back again and enjoy them one last time.  But I also see how much you are growing up and who you are becoming.  I’m proud of who you both are and of all that you have learned and become.  Occasionally I still get to hold your hand – and those days are fleeting.  Each time, I wonder if it’s the last and hope and pray that it’s not.  JD, you still hold my hand at the most unexpected times and every time, it gives me a lump in my throat. I love that little hand in mine.

Please know that as you grow and spread your wings, I am rooting for you.  It may feel like I am trying to hold you back, but I am in your corner and I’m your biggest cheerleader!

Happy 10th birthday boys - I love you always.

-Mommy

4th Grade!

I'm not really sure how this happened but we're here. First day of 4th grade. Here's to a great year my loves!

Soulmates

Cole, you and Sammy have the cutest bond. I'm not sure who loves who more. You tell me every day that she's your best friend. Yesterday I walked outside and caught this moment as you sat out under the tree with her and ate your lunch. ❤️

And that's a wrap - 3rd grade done!

This year absolutely flew by. Everyone told us that third grade was a tough year and boy were they right.  I feel like both of you grew up so much this year and for the first time, had some real challenges in school. And some real challenges at home. You 9 year-olds are trying to find your own way and you are trying to find some independence. We are letting out the leash, slowly. 

We are proud of both of you this year but we have certainly learned a bit more about your desire to do well and how much work you're willing to put in (or not put in). Assuming that this is foreshadowing for the next eight years,  we now know we have our work cut out for us! 

I'm hoping that this summer things slow down and it doesn't go as fast as the last nine months have gone. We all need a break and I'm looking forward to a fun summer of checking off a great bucket list. 

Congrats on a great year and let's not rush the next nine weeks!

St Pats 2016

Since when did Leprechauns bring toys?

Valentines 2016

Lucky Mommy!

Loyalty

So, you’re on to something Cole. Today you talked about loyalty in school – I love when they teach these subjects. I still am not quite sure as an adult what loyalty looks like these days since it’s pretty hard to come by. But you’re off to a great start. 

Your friend Liam, he’s lucky to have your loyalty! And just so you know, I will ALWAYS be your #1 loyal fan – even on the days you hate me more than life itself. For now, you believe me and I’ll take it.  Someday, you may feel differently – but I sure hope deep down, you always know I have your back. Love you buddy.