Benefits of Infertility

Infertility doesn't really have many benefits - but there are a few. I hope I can capture the feelings I'm talking about here.

As a follow up to my post on IF a few weeks ago, I wanted to say a few more words. I was inspired to write this one by a fellow blogger named Nancy who is currently going through an IVF cycle in hopes of her third child. She is in the throws of her cycle now, including injections, daily monitoring, blood work, sonograms etc. She posted recently about some thoughts going through her head as she is cycling again, AFTER already having children. As we all know, going through IVF after you already have a child(ren) is a much different emotional journey than where you are when you are still hoping for your first baby through fertility treatment. It's not to say that it's any easier, it's just different. And it goes without saying that going through any type of fertility treatment, no matter how long or how short, is MUCH different than becoming pregnant without "medical assistance". Here's where the benefit of being infertile comes in.

I'm going to copy some words of Nancy's since she seemed to describe this so well. I will start by saying that I believe (as does Nancy) that love is universal and every parent loves their children the same - parents who are fertile or infertile. Love knows no boundaries or differences. As parents or potential parents, our hearts have that same eternal love for our children. But I do think there are some differences, some of them so important, it makes me feel like the lucky one for going through infertility.

Nancy's thoughts parallel my own - her words are highlighted in yellow so she gets credit for her thoughts. It's only fair right?

We were like any other couple who wanted children. We discussed it, thought it was time and started trying to conceive. Except we didn't fall under the "average" couple who could conceive within a year's time.

It took us 2+ years of fertility treatment (countless cycles, shots, losses, etc) to be lucky enough to fall pregnant with triplets. During that time, I was thrust into a lot of inner dialog that would have never come up if I got pregnant in that first year. I was forced to think about the question "what if I never get pregnant?". It was a very real fear I had. I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance at being a mom. I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance to have children to love. I just didn't know.

What my infertility made me realize is just how much I wanted children. Some women feel "let's see what happens" in regards to having children - never really being 100% behind having a child at that time. I can't tell you how many women I've known who "thought" about having a child and before they made their decision, their "surprise" pregnancy had already made the decision for them. To me, I feel like these women were robbed of the knowledge of knowing they really, truly were ready for their child at that time. Sure, they loved the child, but they didn't get to make the decision for themselves.


Now that I have succeeded at least once, I'm glad I went through the time trying to conceive. I knew what I would do for a child. Especially now, I know that I'll go through multiple daily injections and surgery and possible heartbreak for my child. I know some women who just wouldn't go to these lengths, but I know I would and I did. I will never take my child or my pregnancies for granted. I know how lucky I am that I did succeed. And I will never ever forget it. For the rest of my life, I will look at my children and I will know how much I wanted them. I will forever know what lengths I would have gone through for them - the lengths I did go through.

Like I said, I don't think women who never went through infertility treatment love their children any less than women who have gone through infertility. That's not my point. My point is simply that had I not gone through fertility treatment, I might not have realized how much I wanted children and why I wanted children. And since fertility treatment, I can appreciate all of those chances I had to be reminded about what a blessing children are.

The feeling I feel, as every other IF'er feels about their children, is something I can barely explain. The relief. We look at our children and we know we won the lottery. We know we dodged a bullet. We feel this overwhelming sense of luck. It's in addition to the love we feel and honestly, I'm glad I feel it. If I didn't go through infertility, I wouldn't even know that this feeling existed. Women who conceive in their first year get the bonus of not having to go through infertility. Infertiles get the bonus of getting this feeling. It's all fair if you ask me.

Having this realization, it makes every second going through treatment worth while. It's what made us keep trying cycle after cycle for that first live birth. It's what makes us go back again and again for more kids. I can only hope every infertile out there will eventually feel this bonus feeling along with their love for their children. That feeling is what makes IF tolerable. Having been down that tough, bumpy road for too long, I would do it again knowing the joy it can ultimately bring.