How quickly we forget...

This happens often when we go through tough times, no matter what they are. When things get back to “normal” in life, we forget what it was like when we were going through the “not so normal” period of time. But it’s human nature and as much as we try not to let that happen, it does. We forget, and we move on ~ As easy as it is to get caught up in life, I will always try my best to remember the others going through those tough times.

This “forgetting” phenomenon became evident to me again this week when I attended a NICU support group for existing NICU parents. Through my Moms of Multiples connection, I have recently been in touch with the group ISABELS GIFT. This group was founded by a former NICU parent who had a full term baby born with a severe heart defect. After spending lots of time in NICU at AAMC and then at University of Maryland, she (the Mom) felt the need to give back to those in need who are experiencing similar things to that which her family experienced. The group was born from experience; and to date has done some wonderful things for NICU families locally. In my effort to rally some of the Moms of Multiples families who have had babies in NICU, we were brought together and have a great connection. With the increased incident of multiple births (fertility treatments), it fits well for her to reach out to our group since there are so many multiples spending their early days in the hospital. Some for many, many weeks.

When I walked into the meeting on Monday night, it was completely obvious to me who the NICU parents were. First of all, they had on those hospital bracelets that you have to wear – and one couple had two bracelets. They have twins in the NICU, like we did. Boy, did the memories come flooding back to me within seconds. I felt like I was instantly in their shoes. My heart started to race and that pit returned to my stomach. They had that deer in the headlights look and the soft spoken somber voices. It was surreal.

After talking to them for a while, we all relaxed a bit – but that look never left their faces. Did we look like that? I was so glad to have met them – and can only hope that our story will help them in some way to have hope and know that their babies WILL come home someday. I haven’t been able to get them off of my mind all week. The last thing that they have time for are pestering “new friends” but I can’t help but wonder how their babies are doing. I wish I could call them. I’ve prayed so much for them every night. They have two 30 week little boys that were not due until the end of April and showed up in early March. They were born at 2½ and 3 pounds – not much bigger than JD & Cole. Their boys have many of the same issues that our boys had. I know what they are thinking and how they are feeling. As we went through day to day during our NICU stay, I don’t think I realized the stress and fear that was in my mind and heart all of the time. I know how scared they are yet how hopeful they are that each day that goes by is one day closer to bringing those babies home. I know how they have that pit in their stomach when they are away from their kids – and trying to carry on with life. One of them commented on how their families & friends keep asking them to go to dinner etc. to get out of the hospital. She said that nobody seems to understand that they don’t want to be anywhere except the hospital – all of the time. It’s a hard thing to understand unless you have been there I guess. The nurses even try to push you out saying that “they are in good hands, go out for dinner and enjoy yourselves”. She was frustrated that people kept trying to “get her out” and forget about the hospital for a while. Forget about the hospital for a while? How? I sensed her frustration and remember feeling the same way.

What a journey they are on. What they don’t know yet is how much they will be forever changed by this journey. They don’t realize how great their babies will look in 6 months and they would not even know that they were once preemies. They don’t realize how much they will appreciate the smiles and coo’s of those children once they are off of oxygen, ventilators, medicine and out of the isoletes. They don’t know how good it will feel when they can finally hug and touch them when they are out in the open – not through the holes in the isoletes. And how good kangaroo care feels, and works for the babies! They don’t realize how good that final drive home is when you have your babies coming home and you don’t have to go back to AAMC again. That is something that nobody can tell them either. They have to live through it and see these things for themselves. Although I try hard not to remember the tough days because it takes me back to places that were so very hard, I never want to forget them either. We’re better people for having been through them. It is something I would never wish on anyone in their lifetime but you have to see the good in those tough times. And there was a lot of blessing that came out of those tough weeks and months – namely, our two little miracles that give us smiles and laughter each and every day.