First real injury

Almost an ER visit. Cole, you went head first into a bench while rough housing with your pals. You would have thought the world was ending....but you lived. 

You are so cautious always, its a wonder you even got hurt. Don't worry, scars are cool :)

My Hero

Saw this today and thought of you Cal. You will always be our little Hero. You taught me so much in your short life. I miss you. 

Sentimental Cole

Cole, you talk about your Kindergarten teacher from last year all of the time and unfortunately, she got moved to another school this year (long story). She was AMAZING and it's so sad that we lost her.

Anyway, all of the 1st graders go back to see their old teachers in the morning every day before school starts and you have no one to visit.  You are so sad DAILY and I think that may be part of the reason you always look at your yearbook. 

I suggested that you write her a letter and I would email it to her. So you did. This brings tears to my eyes. You did this on your own.

I hope she replies to my email. That will just make your day my love. I love you.
-Mommy

Update: Later in the day we received an email note back to YOU. You were smiling so big as we read it. I, however, could barely read through my tears. 

Dear Cole,

Thak you for the sweet note...you made ME cry!   We are both tender-hearted you know!

I did not want to leave Windsor Farm, but I did not want to  teach third grade so I looked for another job.    I am teaching 19 kindergarten students in Baltimore at a school called Brooklyn Park Elementary School. I am enjoying my job and my new students.

How was your summer?   Did you do anything exciting?   I went to New Hampshire to visit some family friends in Keene.  We went to a fancy candy shop, went looking for covered bridges and extracted honey from a bee hive.  It was really cool.  I also went motorcycling and flew in a little plane in California.

What are you going to be for Halloween?  I might be a ghost.

Keep working hard in first grade.  Congratulations on your spelling test!
Have a beautiful weekend! I miss you too!

Bedtime Ritual

Cole, every night for the last 2 months (since school started), you are obsessed with reading your yearbook. So, after we say goodnight and tuck you in, you move out of your bed and prop up under the night light to read. Cutest thing ever. You are such a funny character...

Big & Long

JD, your teacher is going to get a kick out of your homework. You had to write a six word sentence...

Kindness 101

JD, you had a little issue at school recently that rattled you a bit. You came home one day and I knew something had happened but you tried to act like everything was ok. You just weren't yourself. A few hours after you got home, Daddy & Cole left for soccer and you and I were going to meet them there. While we were coloring together in the kitchen for a few minutes, you started to cry and told me that a boy hit you in school that day.  He hit you in the back and in the head as he walked behind you in line on the way to P.E.  You were so sad. It broke my heart.

We talked for a bit about what happened and then left for soccer.  The more I thought about it, I realized that this was something I really needed to bring to the school's attention.  I sent emails to the appropriate people that afternoon and the school responded immediately. The next day, you talked to the Vice Principal and he vowed to take care of the problem, which he did.  For the rest of the week, things were fine. No more trouble. The kid wasn't just picking on you - he's been in trouble since school started and bothers anyone he can, every day.  We discussed that maybe he has some other issues at home or isn't happy for some reason. I tried to give you some hints on how to handle him if he gave you any trouble again.

Less than a week later, you came home and told me something that made me so proud. You told me that during snack time, "the kid" had a snack which spilled all over the floor.  He also didn't have a lunch that day because his Mom forgot to pack one for him.  So, you went to your locker and got your snack out and gave it to him.  You let him have your snack.

The kid that bullied you last week was now getting your snack. You're a true gem. I love that you thought to do this and didn't have a second thought. It was a proud Mommy moment.  It's thoughtful things like this that will get you far in life.  You said it made you happy to do this for him. That's what it's all about pal. Giving to others less fortunate feeds the soul. I love you.

-Mommy

Value of a dollar

We had such a fun afternoon today! Daddy was not going to be home until later so as soon as you got off of the bus, we left for an afternoon out. A FUNFRIDAY I like to call it.

You guys had some birthday money and gift cards that were burning holes in your pockets so we set out to spend a little of it after school today. You got new wallets for your birthday so you had those loaded with your cash; and I gave you the gift cards to hold there too.  You even changed your shorts so that you had a pocket large enough to hold your big fat wallets.  It was awesome.

We went to game stop first and you hemmed and hawed for about 20 minutes about what to get and finally you settled on something. JD, you picked out a $2.00 (frugal as you are) used Wii game (snowboarding game) and Cole, you finally picked out a new skylander character for Wii.  When it came time to pay, you proudly stood at the counter doing it all yourself. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen - you wiggled those wallets out of your tight little pockets and fumbled to get the money and gift cards out.  You had to use cash and then when you got money back in change, you thought you were getting MORE free money. You were giddy with excitement over being able to buy something yourselves. You clumsily put the money into your wallet, trying desperately not to drop any. 

Next, we went to Barnes & Noble. You both walked right to the kids section and knew what you wanted. It was a quick trip there - JD, you picked out a book and Cole, you picked out ANOTHER stuffed animal.  I bit my tongue...

Next stop, Old Navy.  JD, you were in search of a new Redskins shirt. And we found one, for $12. This was a little much for you to spend since you only had $23 left, but you finally decided it was what you wanted.  And Cole, you bought a $1.97 ball cap. Which you promptly put on your head BACKWARDS, as you love to wear hats.  Again, you bellied right up to the register and individually paid for your goodies. 

Each check out attendant at all of the places were so patient with you - and watched you proudly buy your own things.  They all smiled at you as they waited for you to gather your money to pay. You loved carrying your own bags and that fat wallet in your pockets. You must have taken it in and out of your pocket no less than 10 times to count the money and change.  It truly warmed my heart. 

You topped off the day with board games in a tent in Cole's room and the intention of sleeping there together all night.  Cole is the only one that ended up staying - but truly, only one of you could fit.  JD, you like your sleep too much not to be in your own cozy bed.  My heart is full tonight my loves.

Life Is Good

JD, I found this in your backpack today. Appropriate for 9/11 I would say. You always make me smile. 

9/11 - 12 years later

It’s September 11, 2013. Twelve Years after our world changed. For the worse. My sweet boys, you’re 7 now, and I still haven’t had to answer any questions from you about this awful event in our history. Thank goodness. Because, I’m still not sure how I will answer or explain any of what happened – from the eyes of your Mom.  It won’t be long, maybe later today even, that you come home from school having seen or heard “something” about 9-11-01. I often wonder what the first question will be – and how I’ll answer.  You’ll eventually see the photos of the towers burning in NYC. And you’ll hear about “terrorists” and Al Qaeda. 
 
This day in history is famous and is already in the history books. The ones you’ll be studying in a few years. I have such vivid memories of this day and I want to share it with you. Eventually you’ll be old enough to read this and realize that your “old” parents lived through one of the most devastating, sad, horrific days that the US (and world) has ever endured.  This event was the first significant “war” like event in my lifetime. Daddy and I were 31 years old. We had been married for almost 6 years. We lived in our first house (townhouse) in Arnold.

It was a beautiful day outside and I had been at work for a couple of hours. It was 8:46am, when Uncle Toby called me on my office desk phone and said, get on the internet and look at what has happened at the world trade center in NYC!  A plane just hit one of the towers!  We immediately went to Yahoo News (that’s where the news came on the internet at that time) and could see live pictures of what was happening.  Of course, we assumed that a commercial jet had gone off course and run into the building by accident.   We had a tv in the office (at that time you could use a TV without having a cable hook up, just antennas) so we all went to the back of the office and turned the TV on.  The news was on and we watched the first tower on fire and engulfed in smoke. People were running crazy in the city. News broadcasters were freaking out and nobody knew what had happened.  Within about 15 minutes, a 2^nd plane hit the other tower. At this point, everybody knew that it wasn’t an “accident”.  The fires in the towers were burning furiously due to the planes jet fuel burning.  Obviously, many lives were lost immediately, and so many in danger. Those towers were icons for business in NYC. Thousands of people work there every single day.  The tragedy continued to unfold in the following minutes.  It was horrifying, yet we couldn’t stop watching.

The news then reported that there was also a plane crash into the Pentagon in Washington, DC.  And another in rural PA somewhere.  Four planes had crashed in a span of an hour – our country was obviously under attack.  NYC was in ruins.  It was beyond scary. The people in the city were running for their lives.  Not long after the 2^nd plane crashed, the towers started to crumble.  Two huge structures, and everyone inside of them, perished into dust and debris.  The cloud of dust & ash covered the city immediately. For days.

I called Daddy right away and he was downtown Baltimore. I told him to get out of the city. He had just heard about what happened because he was in the world trade center replica building in Baltimore and they had evacuated it immediately.  Thank goodness. He was headed out of the city and going home.  After this time, our cell communication was cut off and we weren’t able to get in touch. The cell lines were jammed – and overburdened. Nobody could get calls through to anyone.  The landlines were even too busy to handle the call volume. What a scary feeling.

I was lucky enough to get through to Aunt Courtney in the first few minutes of the attack to find out if she was ok.  At that time, she worked downtown NYC in another high rise office building. She was several blocks from the world trade center and was safe. But the city was complete chaos below her. She could see out her windows. People were scattering to get out of the city.  Within about 3 minutes, our phone call was cut off. All communication in the city was cut off for security reasons. This was the last time I was able to talk to her for a few days. At least she was ok.

Everyone in our office was in shock. We stayed and watched the news for a couple of hours, unable to work or leave the TV.  By mid-morning, we made the decision to close the office and go home to our families for the day.  I will never ever forget my drive home that day.  I remember the bright blue sky and sunshine. And having such a hard time comprehending what was unfolding just a few hours away. I could not wait to get home. Nobody felt safe – we didn’t know if the attacks would continue. We didn’t know if we had lost anyone we knew. We didn’t understand what was happening. Communication with loved ones became harder and harder. The only seemingly safe place was to be at home.

I spent the entire day and night watching the news coverage and crying. They were trying desperately to find survivors. Emergency responders who went into the WTC buildings to rescue people were killed in the collapse. THOUSANDS of lives were lost – innocent people & emergency responders. People were flocking out of the city to find safety. Others were flocking in to the city to find their loved ones. It was absolutely horrible to watch on tv. But impossible to turn off.

The news coverage and photos were unbelievable.  All air traffic in the country was halted immediately. No more air traffic (planes), and that lasted for about 3 days I think, maybe longer.   Our office is right next to BWI airport and we were accustomed to hearing airplane traffic all day. It stopped immediately. People were stranded in airports and cities where they didn’t live. The air silence was deafening. 

This rocked every person I know to the core. Our country was trying to be strong, but so many hearts were broken. We were scared. Our President (George Bush) was scared. Our military sprung into immediate action to protect us. All US armed forces were activated everywhere.  It was quickly determined that we had been attached by Al Qaeda. Terrorists. We were going to war.

It’s now 12 years later, and just thinking of all of this still makes me cry. It’s hard to comprehend how a group of people could have done something so evil and horrible. They killed thousands of people. And tried to crush the American spirit.  I’ll never forget the feeling I had for weeks following this attack -  heart break for the families who lost their loved ones who just went to work that day and never came home; both gratitude and love for the emergency responder hero’s (and their families) who tirelessly risked their lives to find survivors and help strangers for weeks on end; anger at the terrorists who robbed so many people of their freedom, safety and lives; compassion for our President, who was trying to lead our people through this uncharted territory; the helpless feeling of not being able to do anything to help the NYC people since we were so far away; compassion for the wives and children that lost their Daddy’s and husbands, and finally, intense love for my family and friends since we were some of the lucky ones that didn’t lose our lives. 

We didn’t know any people directly that were killed, thank goodness.  But we did know some people who lost friends and family members. Aunt Tracey lost a dear friend who worked in Tower 1. A work colleague of Grampy’s was in one of the towers and was killed.

War was now imminent. Our military sent people to hunt down the terrorists. Droves of young men and women were sent to war – away from their families and risking their lives in the most dangerous place in the world.   It happened fast.  Thousands of young men and women were killed during this war on terror. They never came home.  To this day, I’m thankful that you were not born yet or of age to go to war.  I don’t know how those families did it.

When we talk about War with you now, it’s very simple. Military soldiers go to far away lands to fight for our freedom.  That’s how we have described the military to you. By the time you’re reading this, you’ll understand so much more.  For now, as a 7 year old, you know that Mr. Scott (Messick) is in Afghanistan protecting America. You have absolutely no idea how scary and dangerous this is. You have no idea that every time he comes to visit, the hugs that Daddy and I give to him when he arrives come with a great sigh of relief. Nor do you understand that every hug and handshake we give him when he leaves again, are held for an extra second or two since it could be the last time we see him.  It’s THAT scary. He’s given so much to help protect and fight for America. So has his family.  We just hope he never has to make that ultimate sacrifice – and that he always comes home.  We say good bye to him each time and pray for his safety until the next time we see him.

This day always serves as a reminder of what is important in life. There are a lot of things uncertain. Our country has changed tremendously since this happened – the reason you can’t bring anything sharp on airplanes is because of this. The reason you have to take your shoes off at security at the airport is because of this. The reason that adults have to show ID 3 times at the airport is because of this.  All in the name of public safety.  It’s necessary and a requirement now, unfortunately. I hate this it’s like this.

But there was good that came from this for our Country.  The respect for emergency responders has been taken to a new level.  People became more compassionate.  People were reminded that life is fragile. We can’t take things for granted.  Kindness was contagious during the early years after the attack – the outpouring of support for NYC and its people was incredible.  Our military gained new respect after having to deploy thousands to protect our Country and fight for our freedom against these terrorists.  They are still there fighting for us.  We’re forever indebted to these brave warriors.  We all worked together to earn back what was lost that horrible day.  We were strengthened through this.  

So, on this day, as sad as it makes me, I also try to turn this into a day to be thankful for all that we do have. It's a good day to regain some life perspective.  And be reminded of all of the people in this country who lost someone that awful day & those who have lost someone at war on our behalf.  They are the ones who need our support.   

My hope for our future is that our world can find some peace, somehow. I will never understand the evil, nor will you.  In the meantime, we need to be the good in this world. I’ll do whatever I can to help you be the best you can be and make a difference. I love you. - Mommy

I miss you. Always.

Happy Birthday in heaven love.

When I asked JD this am what he thought you were doing in heaven today, he said "should we light a candle for him today?"  Yes, we should. Indeed we will. You are never forgotten sweet boy.