Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mothers Day!




Cole's version...(with a little prompting)

I hope all of you had a wonderful Mothers Day. Mine was the best one yet and much more than I could ask for. C & the boys really stepped up and made it a wonderful day for me.

Hope that everyone else enjoyed their days as well...you all certainly deserved it!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Circus gone wrong....

Well, we took the kids to their first real circus yesterday afternoon - what a weird adventure. We went to the Cole Bros Circus (how ironic) under a big tent in the parking lot of a local mall.


Tickets were cheap so thought it would be an inexpensive fun thing to do. I was half right. Considering that we had about 3 inches of rain the day/night before, it was a bit muddy, to say the least. Nonetheless, much to my husbands dismay, we went to check it out. As we walked in, we had to pick up our tickets at will call. I should have known what was ahead when the guy at the ticket booth was waving 2 (yes, only two) sets of will call tickets with names on them - one was ours, and one someone elses. Chuck looked at me with a weird look and we kept walking.

I have a terrible scary childhood memory of the circus so I was a little reluctant to begin with. As we walked it, that same creepy feeling I always had, was still there. The tent was fairly dark and there was only one light in the corner that was shining on whichever end of the tent had something going on in it. We were a little late so when we got there we had missed the elephant show but walked in during one of the clown skits. Doesn't it make you wonder who those clowns are in real life? They must do some serious mind altering "activities" to do what they do, day in and day out. We were up so close (because there were probably only about 40 people there) that we could see their worn, ripped costumes.

Shortly after the clown skit, they set up for the trapeeze company (this entailed about 20 non-american people running around like crazy people trying to get things in place). They did about 15 minutes worth of trapeezing; 4 out of 5 tricks they missed and fell into the nets. Rolando was the star trapeeze artist - I think he's destined to hang up his tights and find another profession. Oh well, I give them credit for trying - especially with the shabby equipment they were using.

On to the next act, which was a dog and pony show - literally. The dog trainer was totally wacked out on drugs and had this bag lady looking costume on. Her dogs were so mangely looking and decked out in costumes. Poor animals. I couldn't even take photos because it was so bad. Here's a picture of the emcee for the night - I guess you would call her the hostess?


Next on were the girls in leotards that hang by their hair. They got things set up and started to connect themselves to their hanging apparatus.

As this was happening and they were starting to rise, I look over to the other end of the tent and there are about 20 guys on a line, pulling with all of their might, on the other end of a pulley system. I then realize that they are pulling up these performers on the pulleys. Nothing like good old fashioned manpower to make things work. I've never seen such a thing - It was then that I realized that we are at the low budget circus and my creepy factor was well warranted.


After about 45 minutes, and just as the kids started to lose interest and get fidgety, it was over. We then saw the "end of circus parade", including the shabby looking elephants & camels which we missed in the beginning. Is it normal to have camels at a circus?


After we walked out, we promised not to do that again. And C made me promise never to give our kids a ride on a circus elephant - anywhere.

After this experience, it's worth it to pay more for the Ringling Bros circus. The good thing is, the kids didn't know the difference. By the time we got home, they were still in good spirits.


Friday, May 02, 2008

A new place

Way back when, when I started this blog, life was different. I was newly pregnant, for the 4th time, and scared to death that something would happen to my babies. Again. And sure enough, it did. We lost one. I almost feel that deep down, I knew something was going to go awry, but wasn't really sure what.

I am still reminded daily (by all kinds of things) of my Calvin that lived just long enough for J&C to have a chance. Yep, I miss him. And not a day goes by that I don't think of him. When the clock shows 11:11, he's there. When I glance up at the 3 monkeys on the shelf in the kids room, he's there. When a butterfly crosses my path, he's there. When I hear certain songs on the radio, he's there. When I have a bad day, he's there. In the spring, when my baby lily pops out of the ground, he's there. When Mothers Day comes around, he's there. When I see other triplets, he's there. When his brothers are kissing each other goodnight, he's there. But only in spirit.

This time of year has always been my favorite time of the year with all of the green grass, trees, flowers and smells. It reminds me of him. It was this time of year when we were in the throws of early pregnancy and our lives were impacted by the three tiny beating hearts inside of my belly. I will be forever reminded of him when spring time comes. It's engrained in my being.

When I look back on the boys birth day, it's almost surreal. I remember it vividly; yet foggy. I have visions of many different things on that particular day - and in reality, it's probably only a fraction of everything that actually happened during that 12 hour period between when we learned that Cal had passed and when I was able to see the babies for the first time that night. When I look back at the pictures we have, it's only those images that I have vivid memory of. Is that because I see them periodically, and really all of the "real" memory from that day has been washed away? I wish I had a video tape of it all so I could go back and re-watch it so that I remembered those moments that I have somehow misplaced. My memory of holding Calvin is vivid - but it seems as though I only held him for a minute or two. When I know in fact, that it was much longer than that.

When I logged on yesterday evening to a fellow bloggers site, I was comforted immediately by her most recent undertaking - to bring together babylost mamas. For any of you who have met the misfortune (if you can call it that) of losing a child, you need to check out this new place. It's full of comfort, truth and amazing women. It's a wonderful place to go to read, post or just "be".

I've been struggling for a bit with where I actually am in my grief process. As life bounces along day to day, grief takes a back seat. I push it aside because it's not at the top of the list, for the moment. When Calvin pops into my mind, I try to make good sense of it like "he must be with me right now while I am doing such & such". I never figure that maybe I'm thinking of him because I miss him so much and am still trying to process the fact that he really isn't here any more. And I never really got a chance to know him on the outside. I only knew him on the inside, as he grew and filled me and his brothers with selfless love. I'm different because of him - in ways I can't explain.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

20 months and counting!

The boys 20 month birthday was a few days ago but I held off on posting until after their ped check up today. Here are the latest stats:


JD's weighing in at 24 pounds and 32.5" long - he's in the 50% for height and 20% for weight. Cole is weighing in at a lean and mean 20.7 pounds and 30.5" long - he's moved into the 8% for height but slipped back a bit in his weight. We need to feed him more wheaties! Both are doing really well - no concerns. We're so blessed that they are doing as well as they are, considering how rough of a start that they had. Dr. G was pleased, and so are we. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, we've come such a long way. And the best part, they can have peanut butter now!

After last week's bout with the crud, they seem to be back to their old fun selves and up to their usual tricks. Their words have exploded the last few weeks - they are repeating everything (yes, including JD's personal favorite swear word - SH*T, which he uses in the proper context every time). And they copy off of each other with EVERYTHING. Monkey see, monkey do is their motto. They follow each other around and copy cat all day long. If one gets in trouble for something, the other one does the same thing to earn their share of trouble. It's totally comical.

I have also included a couple of video's from last night - bath time is far from dry at our house...







Cole was the last one in the tub tonight and enjoying being solo & not getting mauled...







JD's latest favorite thing to do is clean up messes (wonder where he gets that?). He especially loves anything that has a long handle - like the swiffer, rakes etc. This video shows him with his little rake obsessing over cleaning up the patio. Listen carefully and you can hear him saying "mess" repeatedly.






A few snaps from this morning...



Friday, April 25, 2008

Zac

...is doing really well after 13 hours of transplant surgery. He has a long road ahead but he's been given a new lease on life. What a fighter.

Zac Update

TGIF

It's been a long challenging week for me this week so I'm glad it's finally Friday. I had a few minutes last night to pick up my Working Mother magazine before bed. I ended the day with a great quote by Katie Couric which I thought I would pass along to anyone else feeling challenged this week. Even if you don't have an outside job, and taking care of kids is your sole job, it can be exhausting - so this goes for all of us. The bottom line is that we have to remember to cut ourselves some slack sometimes ~ before it gets the best of us.

"Like all working mothers, sometimes I feel like a terrible mother and sometimes I feel like a terrible employee. But for the most part, I have to try to give myself a break." Thanks Katie, I needed that!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Zachary

I posted several months ago about a little boy named Zachary who is a twin about the same age as my boys. We got some exciting news this morning that they found a donor for him and Zac is in surgery receiving his organs. They got the call at 3am this morning. He went into surgery around 7am and will have to endure 18 hours in the OR. We won't know anything for a while but how exciting!

Can you imagine what his parents felt when they got the call????? I can't imagine and would never claim to... Anyway, we all need to pray for him, as this will be his biggest challenge yet.

You can also check the website for updates as well, which can be found here. BE STRONG BABY ZAC!

Not again?

Yes, again. We've been duking it out with another round of HFMD (hand foot mouth virus) the last few days. After a few sleepless nights and lots of unhappiness around here, I think we've turned the corner. I feel like a rockstar this morning having slept more than 2 hours at a time - hence this early morning blog post.

Cole came down with a high fever on Sunday morning and unbenownst to me, it was hand foot mouth virus again. He kicked it within about 36 hours and was good as new by Tuesday. JD however, did not fare so well. He started with it on Tuesday and has been miserable since. The poor boy can barely swallow due to the sores in his mouth and has been screaming 90% of the time - this is VERY unlike him as he is usually such a happy little camper. Hopefully today he will be feeling better - especially since he was able to catch up on some sleep last night. Fingers crossed. I was thinking that these ugly virus's and winter bugs would be gone by now with the spring air in the house but obviously I was mistaken. This should be our last round of crud for a while I hope!

In other news, Baby Connor is doing wonderfully. It's killing me not to be able to see him since his homecoming but we need to keep our germs on this side of town for now. Maybe by the weekend we'll be cleared to go for a visit. I'm anxious for the boys to meet their baby cousin - we've been talking a lot about him with them and surely they still have no idea what I'm talking about - although they are practicing saying "baby" a lot now. He's growing like a weed and is already grown out of newborn size clothes. I had to laugh because his parents were initially very challenged with learning to change his diaper without getting sprayed - it's a whole new ballgame with a boy. He christened them several times his first day home. You learn those things the hard way after several wet outfits and blankets in the middle of the night!

My boys are coming up on another milestone monthly birthday - they will be 20 months next week. That means they are just 4 months away from being TWO. How did this happen? How on earth do I have toddlers that are almost two? I'm furiously trying to figure out ways to slow down time. Things are going far to quickly for me - I'm trying to savor every moment that I can but it's still flying by.

I'm feeling incredibly rejuvinated by the spring weather. We've had a few weeks with a lot of rain - but it's been amazing to see each sunny day how green and healthy things are. Everyone seems to come back out of their shells in the spring time and I feel like everyone starts smiling again. The winter doldrums are gone and we get a new lease on life again. The kids even notice it too - the birds are out, the bunnies are out and all of the flowers too. We've been working extra hard (I say WE, but really I mean my hubby) to get the yard shaped up. Things are coming together and our yard looks like it's actually had some TLC again. We even grilled out for the first time this week - that's usually my official notice that spring has sprung.

My first NICU volunteer visit was this week. I was in early in the morning for an hour one day this week. Unfortunately there were only 2 parents there at that time but it was still nice to chat with them. Since I had been up there that week & weekend with my nephew, it wasn't so hard to be there. I think the program is going to be excellent - as long as we can convince the nurses that we're going to be good for the parents. It was great to see my old nurses and reconnect with them on a different level this time.

We had an interesting week at work. I almost hestitate to write about this in fear that it could get back to the subject person. But it's really affected me in a negative way and I think getting it out there will help. Afterall, it's my blog and I can write whatever I want right? We recently hired a new employee on my team at work. It's never easy doing this because change is hard and usually it takes a while to adjust. Well, the second week this person was on board, she came to me and told me she had just found out she was expecting. Gulp.

Now, let me first say that she's not married (she's recently engaged) and she's in her early 20's. She's a good person, don't get me wrong. But she's young & clueless about some things, which is merely a function of immaturity. I was exactly that way when I was her age. Needless to say, I was a bit shocked at the news - first because I immediately was wondering if she knew this when she was hired and secondly, due to my infertility background, pregnancy announcements STILL feel like a kick in the stomach (regardless of who it is, sad but true). I think she could probably see it in my eyes when she told me. Anyway, we got through the intial congratulations. She was not exactly excited about her news - it was a whoopsie (of course) and she was a bit freaked out. Her biggest concern was telling her Mom and how that would go. This fiance of hers is also a bit naive and the comments she was telling me he made were making my blood slowly boil. This all came down a couple of weeks ago.

So her first sonogram was this week - much to my dismay, and surprise, she's having TWINS. Dear GOD. She walked in with her sono pictures and as soon as she showed them to me, I saw the two sacs. I almost threw up. This is so wrong for me on so many levels. And I'm totally freaked out about it. I feel like such a jerk because as I always say, all babies are miracles. And believe me, I'm trying to wrap myself around this situation and be happy. But I can't. I'm almost pissed off at her every time I see her. I'm still trying to figure out what has me in such a tailspin over it. I almost feel like I've been thrown back to my IF days and I can't get over it. Or Is it that she's pregnant by accident and now gets TWO babies? Is it that she's so naive and clueless and has no idea how lucky she is? Is it that I'm worried about how on earth she's going to take care of two babies both emotionally and financially? Is it that she's not educated on pre-natal care and multiple pregnancies and has no idea how this "could" go if she's not careful? Then again, she's a 20 something and she'll probably have a flawless pregnancy & term delivery. That's just usually how the young ones do it.

One thing I do know is that she's going to the same doctor I had (upon my recommendation) and he's wonderful so hopefully he'll be able to talk some sense into her as this goes along. If anyone can level with her and give her the facts, it's him. Dr. H, you're a saint. She's got a lot of growing up to do in a very short time. These little blessings are certainly miracles - I just hope that they get what they deserve once they arrive here in 8 months. It's not at all fair of me to judge her over this - I realize that. And I'm not judging her per se. But the situation is not ideal - and I can see it getting very ugly. She's bopping along without a clue as to what is involved - ahem, TWO additional lives are going to be affected. OK, enough of that - just needed to get that off of my chest.

More later; as the saga continues. Here's hoping for a well day in our house. Lots of sunshine ahead today so that is bound to help!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Homecoming

Connor came home yesterday (Mon) and all is well.
He's home with his family, where he belongs!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Connor Update

Connor is still in NICU but doing really well. He's still in the midst of some more tests and will probably be staying through the rest of the weekend at the hospital. He has not had another blue episode since the first one a few days ago but they are just making sure that everything is perfectly fine before they release him home. T&E are not in a rush to get him home at this point - they would rather know that everything is fine and his episode was indeed a one time thing.

He's having a sleep study done now - which is a 24 monitoring through probes in his throat and nose to see if there is any apnea or reflux going on. He should be finished with this test at 5pm tonight. Since it's a weekend, there is not anyone to read the test (not surprising), hence the reason that they will keep him until at least Monday when a "test reader" returns to work from the weekend.

E. has been able to feed Connor for all of his feeds & he's nursing like a champ. She's also been able to pump some too which allows the nurses to do the middle of the night feedings so she can sleep through the night and rest her body from surgery. That bodes well for both Connor and his parents. Mommy E will go home tonight some time - luckily she's been able to buy another day in the hospital so that they don't have to be making the NICU trek from home.

It will be hard leaving little C-man there but they seem to have a great outlook on it, especially since it's such a short term stay from here on out. Unfortunately, this is ALL too familiar to our family - but somehow having seen that experience before, maybe that has helped them prepare a bit better for things.

The prayers continue and we hope that Connor will be home sometime on Monday.

*EDIT at 7:30 pm
As luck would have it, there is a doctor that works on the weekends! The doctor was able to read Connor's sleep study already and has concluded that he has severe reflux. This is a BIG relief in terms of what "could" have been causing his problems so everyone is very relieved this evening. They will start medication for this tonight so hopefully within the next 48 hours he will be 100% and ready to blow out of there! Can you hear my sigh of relief? Ahhhhh.....