The day before...

On the day before the boys 2nd birthday, I am finding myself really excited for their big day. I know that many people have mixed emotions about birthdays, especially #2 since that means we're officially in the 'terrible twos'. And many people feel like it went much too fast. But like the kids, I'm really excited. They have an inkling of what a birthday means. Last year, I bought these fun birthday banners for their doors. They are reusable every year and have turned out to be quite fun for them this week. I put them out on Monday this week, with the thought that we could have a little countdown. Tomorrow morning, I will put 2 candles on each of their banners to make it official. We've received a few gifts in the mail already and they have come running to open the boxes, knowing there were presents in them. Watching their anticipation, excitement and wonder has been awesome.



We're planning to take them out for dinner for their birthday (with Gramma who shares their birthday) and then we're having a family party on Sunday this weekend. They will share their party with their big cousin Ronny too who turned 6 this week. It's a 'Little Einsteins' theme party, complete with a rocket cake (which hopefully will turn out ok with my attempt at creativity).


A friend asked me yesterday how I was doing with this approaching birthday. I of course told her 'great' but knew that what she really was asking was relating to my thoughts about Calvin. Something has happened over the last few weeks and I'm in a much better place with things now. I have turned a corner, of sorts, and now find myself smiling whenever I think of him or hear his name, instead of being sad. There is a strange comfort surrounding me now and I know that he's ok and so are we. I have a charm necklace that C. gave to me for Mothers Day that only had 2 charms for JD & Cole. I bought a 3rd one for Calvin last week, as a birthday gift for him from me. It came this week and I'm proudly wearing it and it really has warmed my heart. It's just a symbol, I know. But for some reason, it helped me over that hump. When I received the necklace back in the spring, it never dawned on me to have a 3rd charm. But recently when it did dawn on me that it was incomplete, I ordered another one immediately. It's strange when these small things make such a BIG difference.


As I mentioned before, the kids are starting to say his name and bring him into their lives. That's huge for me. They now say that Calvin is their brother when asked. And they know how much we love and miss him. On their level, it's strictly repeating what we tell them. But it's becoming slowly part of their being and I can see their wheels turning when we talk about him.


It's hard to believe that it's been 2 years since they were born. At the same time, I do feel like I have been able to savor so much of this time and I don't feel jipped by time going too quickly. They have changed so much during this time - it's absolutely amazing. As a wonderful coincidence, we learned this week that Cole is being discharged from physical therapy. We dropped down to twice a month about 2 months ago and he's come so far so quickly during this time period that he's ready for discharge. This is such an incredible milestone, considering how far he's come. And just in time for his 2nd birthday. Mommy cried crocodile tears for the first time ever this week - I'm so proud and elated - but will say, we'll miss his therapist so much. She's like part of the family and the kids have grown to love her too. She's coming back one last time and we're going to have a little party - another chapter of his life is coming to a close. Ah, what a relief.


I'll do my best to get a photo montage put together tonight...surely tomorrow will be 'just another day' for the boys since they aren't really understanding the birthday concept completely. Little do they know what a special day it is in the heart and mind of their Mommy & Daddy...and baby brother Calvin.