Life's lessons...

He’s a lonely old guy now, with 90+ years behind him. He’s sort of lost at his old age, trying hard to remember things…anything in fact. He concentrates and searches for something to say, but rarely is it anything that relates to today’s world. It seems that he remembers memories from childhood and his early years better than anything recent. I guess that is normal for old age.

This man led a fun (for him), crazy, selfish life. He had many friends along the way, and lost many too. He pissed a lot of people off and didn’t really care. It was all about him. His family included. His wife of 40+ years left him at an old age due to his antics; and didn’t look back. She was better for it. Slowly, his friends and family started to dwindle away from him. And at first, he didn’t seem to care. He lived in his own world and played to the tune of his own drummer. But when old age began to settle in, he started to care. He’s never mended fences but he’s tried to be a different person to many than he ever was. Until recently (senility), he was able to see who he loved and appreciated them a bit more than he used to – because he needed them. A little too late? Perhaps.

He’s old, wheelchair bound and failing fast. It was very sad to see him recently as I have not seen him in over a year. He’s never met my children, and I’m not sure he even remembers I have children. I’m not even certain that he knew who I was when he saw me but he tried to act like he remembered. Just as well.

I’ve learned a lot from this elder of mine; lessons that will help to remind me how NOT to behave. Isn’t that sort of sad? He’s taught me how sad it can be to alienate your loved ones by being self consumed, selfish, boisterous, dishonest, opinionated and grumpy. I know this sounds somewhat harsh but reality is, he didn’t have much regard for others, including his immediate family. And low and behold, those are the ones now that are digging deep into their soul to find the kindness to care for him now. What a task. I have utmost respect for his children as they “do what they have to do” to make sure that he grows old and can still keep some of his dignity. My hat is off to you.

I have mixed feelings about this man. This man is my Grandfather.

I second guess myself over the fact that I don’t go visit him. And frankly, he doesn’t even cross my mind on any sort of regular basis. I’m normally not a callus person – and I try to be compassionate to anyone having difficulty. In this case, I’m finding it hard to dig deep and find my compassion. I rationalize it now by thinking, he probably doesn’t even remember me anyway. There was a time in my very young age when I looked up to him as my Grandfather – like all kids do. Until I grew old enough to understand what was important in life and saw how he treated others. I guess he probably has no regrets about how he lived his life. To each his own.

The point of my writing I guess is just to say that seeing someone be virtually alone at the end, is so very sad. It makes us all remember how important it is to be good to each other, love each other and take care of each other, all the way through. For you never know what your end will be like.