Once an IF'er, Always an IF'er

Infertility changes your life. I always knew that ~ and actually, looking back on all that we have been through, I would not change a thing about the last few years. We have learned so much about life, our marriage, ourselves, friends and family and life in general. Life has been put into a different perspective. BUT, it's amazing how that "feeling" comes back so easily when you hear news of someone having a baby or getting pregnant so easily. Even though I'm pregnant now (and god willing, will have a baby (or 3) in several months), it still hurts down deep in an indescribable way. I wonder if that pain will ever go away? Two things are happening now that bring this to light.

One is that two friends have recently experienced a miscarriage at 8 & 12 weeks and had to have D&C's earlier this week; and another friend is on her way to the hospital as we speak to be induced to have Baby #2. How ironic. My heart hurts for all of them. Only those that have been down this road understand this. And it's impossible to even put into words. I tried to explain this to my friend who is having the baby today and she didn't understand. And she admitted that she didn't understand, thank goodness. I would rather have someone try to understand and admit that they don't, than act like they do and act righteous about it.

Although I could not be happier to meet this new little baby that is on it's way into the world, it will not be an easy visit. I'm ecstatic for our friends, they deserve this as much as anyone else - and will do my best to share in the excitement of their new little treasure. Perhaps the anxiety has to do with the fact that for so many months, the preparation for these visits has been so hard. To be "up" when you're really not, is no easy task. And God knows that C. and I have done it more than our fair share of times. Why can't I get over that now since I have my own little miracles on board? Well, I think the answer to that is that it is now ingrained in my being forever. Blessings come to many people - and nobody is more or less deserving than any other of the miracle of life. But I do believe that there are those that have a greater appreciation for some things due to their life experiences. Enough said.

It will be a long day waiting for the baby to come...but it will be yet another of God's miracles to be amazed by. Praying for a happy & healthy delivery.